Downloading Sister Hazel Today

So we're sitting in Sacrament Meeting at church this past Sunday, and of course my children are ranging between various levels of irreverent to really irreverent. The family sitting right in front of us are good friends of ours and really nice people so the dad passes back a paper boat he made for Simon to play with. And Simon is interested in the new plaything, especially when he sees that Ellie is very interested in it.

Now Simon is playing with his paper boat and Ellie is asking incessantly for a boat of her own, which I cannot provide her. I have a great many talents in life... and paper boat making is not one of them.

So I'm trying to keep her quiet but she finally gives up on me and tears a piece of paper out of her notebook, then taps the dad in front of us on the shoulder in a shy but persistent fashion. He isn't a dim man and understands immediately why she is handing him the paper, so he grabs it and begins folding. The problem is that he overthinks it and passes her a party hat instead of a boat. She took one look at the paper hat, drops her shoulders in retreat and says, "Oh, just forget about it."

I Only Live To Serve

The movie The Box: waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, waste of brain cells... but totally worth the funny jokes made by everyone the rest of the night.

My favorite? When I came out of the restroom and my husband had put a thin trail of ketchup streaming out of his nose. ahahahahahah. You have to see to understand... although don't misunderstand me: I do NOT recommend spending money on this movie.

Don't Be Tardy For The Party...

New sign on Ellie's door:

Everyone Can Come In
NO DOGS
NO CATS
love, Ellie

I found this sign unusual since Ellie loves cats and dogs. In fact spends plenty of hours pretending to be "Fluffsy" as a daily routine. So I asked her why dogs and cats weren't welcome in her room, and her very logical answer, "Because I don't have any pet food."

When Daddy's Home Hurray!

MySexyHusband worked from home today. This was lovely because he made the sack lunches and got the children out the door for school on time. I really enjoyed my break from these two daily jobs, it was a thing of beauty I tell you.

He was pretty pleased with himself too, because when Max got home and MySexyHusband asked him about his day AND his lunch... Max said, "I'm not gonna lie, that's the first sandwich I've eaten at school in a really long time."

MySexyHusband shared this nugget with me as soon as possible, not even trying to hide his smile of glee. I wish I had been better prepared with a kindly response. I wasn't.

Then later, when Max lay on the floor refusing to practice piano for the required 1/2 an hour, I threatened that if he didn't get started I would double his practice time to 1 hour. MySexyHusband called from his laptop, "No, please don't have him practice for 1 hour!"

hahahahahhahhahahahahah:-)

Cannon Inherited The Dry Humor

Max and Cassidy have left for school already, Cannon just finished brushing his teeth. As he walked past Cassidy's room he read out loud the sign she recently hung on her door:

CASSIDY'S ROOM
PLEASE KNOCK

I hear Cannon read the sign out loud, knock on her door, then come downstairs for breakfast.

Fruit Fly Infestation Returns

Today Max and I refilled and reemptied our vending machines... and I think we spent more money on lunch than we collected to put in the bank. We eat very well on vending days, it's our little reward to ourselves for being two totally awesome people.

Oh, and because we took Simon, Ellie and Cannon (who was home from school sick) with us for the ride. Believe me, we deserved an expensive lunch just for that.

And I would like to nominate myself for Person Who Thinks About Hiring A Housecleaner More Than She Cleans - Clearly A Time Waster. It's not a prestigious title, but I've earned it.

On a sad note I have had to shut down my sewing school (reason for doing so may or may not be in an upcoming blog post, we'll see how I feel) and haven't had the time to sell it. Anybody in the market? The one person who knew my business well wasn't interested in making $750 a month for working 4 hours a week. Anyway, I LOVED teaching children to sew and if you know somebody else in the Gig Harbor area who might I have about 12-14 students still hoping for a teacher.

And any ideas for a Halloween costume? I have decided this is my year to bring it as far as Halloween goes, but I lack inspiration. Except a vending machine operator... guess that could be my back-up costume.

Last Time You'll Stay Up For The Party

Cassidy: "Mom, last night when I was supposed to be in bed but was sneaking to watch you and dad and your friends sing kareoke instead..."

Me: "Yeah I knew you were there, I saw you..."

Cassidy: "Well, when you started singing, I was so embarassed I had to go hide in your room so I couldn't hear."

Me: "Okay, what you're saying is I was by far the very worst act of the night? Because, I was close enough to hear everybody really well, and nobody was hitting the ball out of the park... and still I was the very worst of the worst?!"

Cassidy: "Yes."

The Different Levels Of Spirituality

2 year old Simon's family prayer last night:

"Dear Heavenly Father, ruff ruff."

This May Help You

When it's your wife's birthday don't call home asking for her ring size and then show up with a muumuu from your latest business trip to Hawaii. I'm just sayin'.

This has never happened to me, but I thought it might be good information to get out into the world at large.

Come On Eileen

3 am and Twisted Sister cannot sleep. After a month of early morning seminary I thought I finally had my sleeping schedule worked out because I fell asleep last night at 10 pm and woke up at 4:30 am. Without an alarm clock even!!!!

Then I messed it all up by taking a nap this afternoon and here I am... 3 am and perfecting my skills at computerized Mah Jong.

I laid in bed for awhile assuming sleep would come but it didn't. I just kept thinking about my amazing life and all the people I really like (and a few that I don't) (mwahahahahah), and rest assured you probably came up at least once. (mwahahahahaha again)

And did you know that the stress and exhaustion from teaching early morning seminary can give you a permanent twitch in your upper right eyebrow? True fact this is. Hasn't let up all day.

It's My Party And... You're Still Going To School

Cannon: "Mom, would you sign me up for karate?"

Me: "Hmmm. You want to learn karate huh?"

Cannon: "No. But I want to learn how to beat Max up, then I'll sleep in our room again."


Max: "Mom, for your birthday today you should keep us all home from school to celebrate."

Me: "No thanks."

Mmmm Mmmm Mmmmm, Barack Hussein Obama

It's 2 am. Do I go to sleep for three hours or just wait up until it's time to go to Seminary?

It's Delta Airline's fault that I'm in this predicament. And I won't even tell you the story because it's not that interesting.

The only interesting part of the airport was when MySexyHusband and I first landed in Louisville, Kentucky, and as we were walking towards baggage claim he got very excited and said, "That is what I call a high fashion store."

I said back, "That is a PGA Pro Golf Shop."

MySexyHusband, "That is the style here."

Me, "As opposed to...?" And no good comebacks came to me as it was 7 am and we had just gotten off a red-eye flight. But I know there is a good comeback out there, and I'm sure I'll come up with it anytime now since it's too late to utilize the moment.

On Consolation

Starting Middle School can be rough. Well, it wasn't for me... I had loads of friends and was invited to every party. But I've heard it can be a difficult transition for some.

So my new Middle School-er was having a small pity party and I couldn't understand her because my computer game was too loud... I mean, her crying was too loud... actually it was probably a good mix of the two. So I asked her to make a list of the things in her life: the good on one side of the paper, and the bad on the other. And to please not finish the list until my game ended.

When she returned bearing a list I realized how lucky I was because I happened to make it onto the "Good"ly labeled column whereas most of the other immediate family members of this household did not.

Anyway, the point of my story is that I broke one million on Typing Maniac on facebook! Go me!

Tired Eyes

Ellie, who was bugged to no end by Cannon this morning, said: "Cannon, you need to go to school."

And then she whispered into my ear: "I swear he does."


And Cannon and I went to his elementary school open house last night when {THIS IS GREAT NEWS} on the way there I found my eyebrow tweezers which had had a very long absence. I pulled over to remedy certain "situations" my face was involved with, and while I was plucking Cannon asked in a very put out manner, "Are you going to do this all the way there?"

I'm like, "Cannon, didn't you know that the school you go to is our school? They built it just for us and it didn't even exist before we moved here, so don't worry, they won't begin without us."

Cannon, not impressed, "Mom, it ends in 10 minutes. Can we please go?"

Me, "Oh, really? 10 minutes?" But I ended up having the timing dead right. We arrived just in time for the "assembly" to end and the classroom/teacher visits to begin. Today was a day for two successes. Well three, but I won't bore you with the what the third success of my day was.

A Cute Little Backporch

Simon is running around in his new big boy underwears. They are Diego, in case you are wondering. He originally asked for Dora, and frankly I would have bought the girlie Dora underwear for him if it meant quicker progression in regards to potty training, but he did distract and so... boy underwear it is.

Why don't they make boy underwear with Dora on them? Is that weird as a boy, to have a girl on your bottom? Hmmmm. Either way, wearing Diego underwear gives new meaning to the theme song lyrics: Go Diego Go!

We also bought a new little Simon sized potty chair and he likes for everyone else to sit on it, except him. So... so far so good.

At this point in time I will share Max's new favorite joke. It's very easy for me to remember, because he tells me this joke daily. Are you ready? Here goes...

Q. Why did the golfer take two pairs of pants golfing?

A. In case he got a hole in one.

HAHAHAHAHhahahahhaHAHAHthisiswearyoulaughhahaHAHAHAiwasntsureifyouknewHAHAHhahaha