Tangled Arms

So I had it out with my children's doctor's office on the phone the other day. Probably not welcome there anymore. I don't know what got in to me, it is just not like me to tell somebody they are wasting my time and money... when they continually waste my time and money.

They didn't take it very well and got snippy on the phone. Lucky for me I have another doctor in my back pocket ready to pull out at a moments notice. I guess I will just have to add the old office to my list of places I am persona non grata.

Oddly enough this doctor's office is right by the library! It's easy to keep my persona non grata's straight when they live right by each other! Now it's just a section of town that I keep in the back of my mind that I recommend myself staying away from.

And in other news I cried in bed the other morning finishing Nory Ryan's Song by Patricia Reilly Giff. It is a short book, so I figured it would just be a fun and easy read. I picked it up because it is about Ireland. And I am all about Ireland. Go Ireland!

But I didn't realize it was about the potato blight and those damn English! That 7ish years of Ireland's history are horrifying. Makes me want to throw down with anybody I can find who is English... including a bunch of my own relatives I guess! hahahaha

Although my relatives would have been over in America by then and crossing the plains to live in Mormon Utah. And being persecuted for living polygamy when 150 years later they are again being persecuted for not wanting to change the definition of marriage to more than just one man and one woman. I swear by the time all the marriage equality gets figured out there will plenty of whoever's marrying plenty of other whoever's and the irony to us Mormon's will not be lost. That we couldn't become a state until we agreed to get rid of the polygamy. Make up your damn minds!!!!!

Oops, that's twice I have sworn. I hope my parents are too busy on their mission to read my blog.

Except that now I am lost... where was I?

Love little Nory Ryan though (no she isn't a real person... probably... just a fictionalized mixture of several). There are three books in this series, we'll see if the other two make me cry too. Sigh... I just love me a good cry...

New Beginnings

Cannon was upset because Max had threatened to "get him" as soon as MySexyHusband and I left this afternoon to visit somebody in the hospital. I couldn't take the crying anymore... from Cannon, or anybody else.

So I told him that the two of them had to figure it out or GROUNDATION! To their bedrooms, which are on opposite floors of the house, which makes it slightly more difficult to "get each other".

Cannon stomps out of my room and down the hall. He locates Max and says, "Mom says we have to deal with this, so you're gonna do what I say. Get me half now and half later... so I can take it."

Max then sits on Cannon as directed and begins the arduous process of "getting him".

Austenland

Why can't chocolate covered raisins come in cereal boxes and be for breakfast?

T or F do you know how many wrappers would be on the floor by the side of my bed if I bought a Fruit By The Foot Variety Pack from Costco?

Also, do you know what kind of conversations happen when you share a cell phone with your daughter and numbers without names come through:

Hey U! How u been?

Me: Who is this?

Mystic

Me: Well Mystic, I have been very good. How u been lately?

Ive been good. I had lost ur number. U still work at wingers? I mean buffalo

Me: You know it. I'm still winging it at Winger's.

This isnt d dazh huh

Me: Why u say dat?

Kuz u work at wild wings not wingers.

Me: Right, that's what I meant...

Oh ok. So where u stay now?

~couple hours pass by~

Well i just was seein how u were since we havent hung out in a while

Me (finally): Sorry Mystic, you have the wrong number ;-). Whoever you were looking for isn't on this end.

See y u w me. Smh.

Me: Sorry, I thought you were my daughters friend at first. Didn't mean any harm!

All good.

18 Packs of Free Gum

So my daughter has a darling friend. In fact, I'm going to find a picture to show you. Hold on...

See? Darling girls, right? Friend on the right, daughter in middle and cousin on

the left. Super cute, love all these girls.

Anyway, so my daughter shared this story with me tonight. The two girls

were riding the bus home. Both had ipod's in so they were more-than-talking because it was hard to hear, semi-shouting is more how she described it. So her friend starts laughing. Cassidy asks/yells what is going on... and probably several rows of kids are wondering the

same thing due to their elevated sound level.

Once her friend calms down she explains that she has been trying to convert Cassidy to her religion. So now Cassidy starts laughing too and says she has been trying to do the same thing to her friend. So now they are both laughing because neither of them paid enough attention to realize what the other was doing, only focused on being the one who converted the other.

Cassidy's friend finally finishes with, "Yes, but I have proof." And Cassidy says,

"So do I!" Her friend says she couldn't. So Cassidy says, "Why do you think I believe in my church if I didn't have proof?" And now they make a pact to bring the 'proof' that their religion is the right one to school the next day to show each other.

And of course they are still laughing.

Got me kick out of this story.

Three Sharks Are Out

Oh my dearest friends, new favorite song! Yes you heard me right... NEW FAVORITE SONG!!! Play it over and over at will, on me. If you aren't addicted soon just

don't ever come back to my blog. Because this song makes me happy, and you don't... Oh hahahahah, maybe you do. Don't take that little statement too personally.

And isn't he yummy? And he's Mormon, which makes him double yummy. Because Mormons are hot right now. Haven't you heard? Or maybe they aren't and it's just a dumb rumor.

p.s. I made barbeque cheeseburgers tonight. No joke! The recipe said to mix the sauce right in with the ground beef, and I was like... who knew! So I did it and it was

YUMMY. Just like Brandon Flowers. I would have shared with him if he'd have just showed up. Anyways, they were sooooo good and I had no idea what a little mixing

would do. My 16 year old son who just had his wisdom teeth out this very day groaned when he smelled them and saw us eating them. Was he ever upset! Then he wrapped

up the rest and hid them in the refrigerator swearing that he would eat them tomorrow.

Red Solo Cup

MySexyHusband just watched a Hairclub for Men commercial and then rewound it and watched again... hahahahahahahaha.

Simon went from sort-of-swimming tonight to full blown swimming. My heart about burst watching him break through the barrier. It was the waterslide that tipped him over the edge, he finally got the courage to down the waterslide. And while I might have told him I would catch him at the bottom... I really just stood by because I knew he could do it himself. And he did.

Max is out of town which should mean there is less crying, but Cassidy has jumped in to fill his shoes rather nicely. In fact on Sunday, when MySexyHusband and I had already decided she was grounded for about 3 days for various reasons, I overheard her tell Cannon right before tackling him during a fight that, "I'm already in trouble, let's have a little fun with this."

Houston, We Have A Problem

Love it when my 16 year old refers to having a friend over after school as a 'playdate'. hahahahah

Also, I have reinvented the Snuggie. No, I have figured out how it was originally invented. Seriously, it was incredible. My brain was working so fast as it connected the dots without even trying, you could almost see the electricity crackling in the air.

No joke.

I was laying in bed the other night, and I was toasty roasty. I really dislike to get out of bed when I am toasty roasty. And there I was toasty roasty, spooning with my husband (is that TMI? because I don't really care... how else am I supposed to get toasty roasty without his help?) when the bladder asks to be emptied.

Immediate annoyance! So I ask, 'how full are you?' Because sometimes 8 hours of sleep is enough to squeak by without getting out of a toasty roasty bed, but not tonight. She answered 'wayyyyy full'.

Dang.

So I wait, and think, and search for other options, and finally realize I might as well make the dash sooner than later since it has to happen at some point. Plus then I can brush my teeth, which I forgot to do anyway. MySexyHusband will let me keep spooning him this way. So now it is a 2-for... which makes it the most likely to happen, at least more likely than a 1-for.

And after my countdown it does, I jump out of bed and sprint into the bathroom, cold as can be. But then the magic happens, and the electricity crackles the air because just as I am running past my bathrobe my hand reaches out and grabs it. Without premeditation...

And they can say that the Snuggie was invented for while you sit on the couch watching tv... but I know the truth, that it was invented for cold nights on the toilet. Because if you wear it backwards without tying the belt it will work like a charm. I remained relatively toasty roasty and at the end, well lookie there... hands free for business.

Ten Thousand Words

Why are Good and Plenty's so good and plenty? Actually they aren't, plenty that is. We have finished a HUGE bag in the last week. Yummmm, so good!

Me: How did it go helping the new couple move in?

Max: She was so hot... I was hoping she was the daughter. But no, she is married.

Me: (laughing out loud) Are you sure there isn't a daughter? Because it could be just like that song Farmer's Daughter...!

Max: Nope, they're married. You could just tell.

I'm Into Something Good

I love late night chats with my 16 year old...

I hate mornings we all wake up late...

I love when my 4 year old enjoys riding his two wheel bike so much that he gets on it in the rain before breakfast...

I hate being micro-managed...

I love fridays...

I hate questioning my use of time...

I love curling up to watch a movie on a rainy morning...

I hate having lots of things that I have to do...

I love making (and checking off) a to do list...

I hate a messy kitchen...

I love eating crepes...

Maps and Spam

Do you know what I want? Really, really, really want? Some of those little good smelling thingies that you put in your drawer or closet and they make clothing and 'underthings' smell like lavendar... or jasmine... or some other yummy scent I can't think of immediately.

I can't believe my brain lapse, I just saw these things on a blog about 10 minutes ago, and now I can't remember what they are called. But I want 'em. And have wanted 'em for years. I just never see them at the stores I attend. So I guess this is one of those 'order online' items. Or maybe I attend the wrong stores. OR MAYBE I AM JUST A LOSER, this thought occurs to me often. But I don't care, as long as I SMELL GOOD. Being a loser is not bad, smelling like a loser? BAD!

Oh, and MySexyHusband and I have put together a nice little budget for the year. So I have to wait until there is an opening in the budget to buy this item. Because right now... we are over budget. Already. The one we started four weeks ago.

But I don't mind being on a budget, because so far I am liking it. Who knew that could happen?! Not me! I have resisted for years. Years people! And now here we are trying one out and I am digging it. Because it is like a game. If somebody would have explained that to me I wouldn't have fought it for so long.

Or secretly blamed MySexyHusband for times when money got alarmingly low. Because I don't spend recklessly... NO. So it must be him. That's why we get married, by the way. So there is somebody to blame. That's a fact. Jot it in your fact book.

Good grief. Now I'm bored with this topic. If you know where I can get smell good thingies for my clothes drawers and such let me know. The budget might have an opening in March...

I Didn't Get It

The following is a mostly accurate

representation of what transpired after school

today between Max and I:

Max: Mom, I need at ride to my basketball game at 4.

Me: No problem. Unless your room isn't clean, your clean clothes basket isn't empty, and you haven't found something around the house you can do to help out.

Max: Fine. I'll just tell my coach that you wouldn't let me go.

Me: Okay, it would be true.

Max: *16 year old teenage boy grunt* What do you want me to do?

Me: Take out the kitchen garbage, and while you're at it clean up the garbage can that was knocked over by raccoons.

Max: *16 year old teenage boy grunt* Who's the idiot that didn't put the garbage cans next to the house so that the raccoons couldn't knock them over!

Me: That's exactly what we used to say about you.

Max: Well, tomorrow we are going to line the kids up and I am going to punch them each in the face.

Me: Another thing we used to say about you.

Max: Well I'm not cleaning it up then, you can find some other idiot to do it.

Me: Some other idiot...? You mean, besides you?

Max: *finally breaks a smile*

Sleep Less Headache More

I have a daughter who, when sat in the dentist's chair and asked if she wouldn't like to try having her cavity filled without being numb said... yes. Which means she must not be my daughter after all. And I'm not sure how that works.

I know how it works when a man realizes a child couldn't possibly be his, but not when a woman realizes a child couldn't possibly be hers.

But I am sure how filling a cavity works... YOU GET NUMB FIRST. That is something I do know.

Rolitical Pants

MySexyHusband sent me an email today, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I share it with you here online... he's fun like that!

Message from MySexyHusband: This is a bathroom sink. I saw them and thought they were super cool.

Then I thought you are super cool and felt required to share them with you. I love that there is no sink

bowl. They look easy to wipe down and clean. Love super hot.

I ask you now, could he be any cuter? Love him... *sigh*

You don't think it's a subliminal message about my

cleaning the bathroom sinks before he gets back in town... do you?

Slivered Moons & Almonds

Today was the kind of day when you forget to wear deodarant. Because that is exactly what I did. And the reason I forgot is because I swam laps at the YMCA which means I showered there which means I got ready there which means I forgot at least one important 'getting ready' item. Which means beginning at 3 in the afternoon I tried to keep a generous distance between myself and others.

Deodarant is better than the towel though. That was a tough day. Deodarant is also better than the shampoo, the complimentary soap dispenser at the YMCA is full of what amounts to tar remover. One other thing it is better than forgetting is the bra. Done this one several times, so I for sure know the different ways to get from the locker room to my car without... showing off.

Today was also the day you watch somebody sit down in the YMCA to shower. On the nasty bathroom floor in a public establishment. The type of place where one's feet could get a disease with being properly attired with flip flops. That floor. Somebody sat on it on their bare bottom and washed with soap like they were lounging in a tub.

I kind of felt bad for them that that was their best option... and I kind of felt bad for the next person who used that shower after them too.

MySexyHusband asked why I didn't help them. "Help them what? Soap up?" I asked. No, he thought maybe they had fallen. Except that I watched them walk into the stall and then sit down and leisurely soap all over with their little rag. It was a sight. Too bad the shower curtain didn't hang just a little lower. Who knew that you needed to not only provide coverage from the knees up for standers, but also from the shoulders down for sitters.

On Priorities

I was just made fun of. On the internet. Somebody found the time to make fun of me while they were on the internet. So funny! There I was trying to half concentrate to my online game of Settlers of Catan when my daughter walked by with a bloody nose. She asked for help. With a bloody nose.

She asked a couple of times, bless her heart, so I said, "What exactly do you want me to do? I need you to request a specific action..." Because she is 13 years old, and I remember bloody noses from being that age and it seems we just stuck a rag or tissue to our noses. I didn't see anything especially different.

She didn't seem to like that I didn't jump out of bed, lovingly cradle her head in my arms and gently but firmly hold something to her nose. But I was playing Settlers of Catan after all people, cut me some slack!

So I had been going through the motions just enough to keep the game going while we had our exchange and by the time I got back into I was losing. Like a loser. A big, freaking loser. And after the game was over they kept commenting back and forth how, "Orange (me) didn't know how to play," "At least not very well". Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Hahahahahah, she is still miffed! She just stopped by my room and said, "I just wanted to say thanks for the help Mom." With a super serious face.

I possibly laughed... I tried to muffle it though, I swear!

So she explained even further, continuing with the super serious face, "I had to get dressed with one hand. It was really hard. And I got it wrong the first time. And then I had the taste of blood in my mouth. And it got on my hand. And I had to get dressed again the right way."