Twisted Sister

Slivered Moons & Almonds

2012-01-26T23:45:00.000-08:00

Today was the kind of day when you forget to wear deodarant. Because that is exactly what I did. And the reason I forgot is because I swam laps at the YMCA which means I showered there which means I got ready there which means I forgot at least one important 'getting ready' item. Which means beginning at 3 in the afternoon I tried to keep a generous distance between myself and others.

Deodarant is better than the towel though. That was a tough day. Deodarant is also better than the shampoo, the complimentary soap dispenser at the YMCA is full of what amounts to tar remover. One other thing it is better than forgetting is the bra. Done this one several times, so I for sure know the different ways to get from the locker room to my car without... showing off.

Today was also the day you watch somebody sit down in the YMCA to shower. On the nasty bathroom floor in a public establishment. The type of place where one's feet could get a disease with being properly attired with flip flops. That floor. Somebody sat on it on their bare bottom and washed with soap like they were lounging in a tub.

I kind of felt bad for them that that was their best option... and I kind of felt bad for the next person who used that shower after them too.

MySexyHusband asked why I didn't help them. "Help them what? Soap up?" I asked. No, he thought maybe they had fallen. Except that I watched them walk into the stall and then sit down and leisurely soap all over with their little rag. It was a sight. Too bad the shower curtain didn't hang just a little lower. Who knew that you needed to not only provide coverage from the knees up for standers, but also from the shoulders down for sitters.

On Priorities

2012-01-25T21:51:00.001-08:00

I was just made fun of. On the internet. Somebody found the time to make fun of me while they were on the internet. So funny! There I was trying to half concentrate to my online game of Settlers of Catan when my daughter walked by with a bloody nose. She asked for help. With a bloody nose.

She asked a couple of times, bless her heart, so I said, "What exactly do you want me to do? I need you to request a specific action..." Because she is 13 years old, and I remember bloody noses from being that age and it seems we just stuck a rag or tissue to our noses. I didn't see anything especially different.

She didn't seem to like that I didn't jump out of bed, lovingly cradle her head in my arms and gently but firmly hold something to her nose. But I was playing Settlers of Catan after all people, cut me some slack!

So I had been going through the motions just enough to keep the game going while we had our exchange and by the time I got back into I was losing. Like a loser. A big, freaking loser. And after the game was over they kept commenting back and forth how, "Orange (me) didn't know how to play," "At least not very well". Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Hahahahahah, she is still miffed! She just stopped by my room and said, "I just wanted to say thanks for the help Mom." With a super serious face.

I possibly laughed... I tried to muffle it though, I swear!

So she explained even further, continuing with the super serious face, "I had to get dressed with one hand. It was really hard. And I got it wrong the first time. And then I had the taste of blood in my mouth. And it got on my hand. And I had to get dressed again the right way."

The Bachelor In A Helicopter

2012-01-23T22:41:00.000-08:00

Check out the awesomeness of these yahoos:

YUM!!

And YUM Again...

Where was I in 2000 when this song was released?

Because I know where I am this week after

finding it, listening relentlessly...

Flora's Secret

2012-01-22T22:56:00.000-08:00

How come the Kardashian girls never look like they need a shower? Is it possible to appear that freshly made-up at all times? The answer is no, which means somebody should look into that...

Today Maximus blessed the Sacrament for the first time. MADEMYDAY. Loved every second. He was nervous as can be, which was weird because he does not get nervous. Loved watching him sweat almost as much as I loved watching him bless.

Had 13 kids show up to Sunday School also. 13!!!! All between the ages of twelve and fifteen. They never all show up, what was the deal?! And will it happen ever again? I explained that with 14 people in the classroom that everybody should be careful to only comment or talk 1/14th of the time. And then we just plowed on. It went better than I expected!

Took the teenagers to the Seminary Fireside tonight also, was very appreciative that it only went an hour (my personal thanks to whoever made that decision, and can we continue with it for all future firesides?) and that President Packer played the candor card. No reason to waste time and mess around, agreed? Love the seminary program, more now than back in the day. (Sorry Bro. Best for all my shenanigans and antics.)

Call My Cell If I'm Not Up For The 6 am Meeting

2011-12-22T00:26:00.000-08:00

So I went to a Christmas party the other night with a lot of my neighbors. And I ran into a gal with ties to Utah. Crazy! That doesn't happen often here in Washington. And she was crazy too... or drunk. Or both. I don't know because I'm not familiar with drunk the way I am with crazy.

Anyway, once you start talking about Utah you inevitably get to polygamy within a sentence or two. And we did. She traced her family roots for me, the grandpa who was smart enough to quit Mormonism and all that plural wife stuff.

And so I told her how Brigham Young is my great great great great grandfather and he was smart enough to not quit Mormonism and all that plural wife stuff. However, I will admit right here that it gives me great pleasure to formally announce that I descend from his very first wife. No seconds or thirds from this lineage!

Well, once I said his name it got awkward. And by awkward I mean she started drunk-yelling, "Brigham Young! Brigham f-ing Young!" Only her version was minus the dash. You can imagine my reaction to her reaction, nobody has every responded to me this way before.

But she meant it in a good way and explained that she would never have bored me with her history if she had any idea of my history and that I am a direct descendant of, "Brigham f-ing Young!" Yes she said it again and without the dash still.

So again I shushed her and said, "Look, it's not that amazing... there are a lot of us out there if you know what I mean. He had 42ish wives in all."

I went to several different Christmas parties this past holiday season, but that is the only memory I have at 1 am while on a diet coke buzz. So, I don't know what else to say at this point. You'll have to just make do with that.

Gotye

2011-12-07T13:00:00.001-08:00

Do you know what a good day is? When you find yourself alone in the YMCA locker room for a long, hot 20 minute shower. Of course I'm prepared to get necked in front of people, cuz i got the goods... but I would much rather not have to. And today I didn't have to put on a show. *happy sigh*

And I found a great new song. Which I would share with you, except that the video on Youtube has slight nudity. Nothing more than PG 13 stuff... but still. What if my parents finally figured out how to get on my blog and that was what they saw!? They would question everything they know to be true and good about me. And I just can't have that. So just know that I have a great, new song... and I just LOVE a great, new song. *happy sigh*

Hark the Herald

2011-11-23T08:13:00.000-08:00

Max sees a girl walk by in 'yoga pants'. *audible groan* "I hate yoga pants." He says, "All the girls at school wear them and all they do is ride up their bottom and look weird."

Me, "So you're saying I shouldn't wear my yoga pants around the house during the day?"

Max, suddenly wide-eyed and horrified, "If you ever wear do I will throw up, punch myself in the stomach so I have to double over and can't see what's in front of me, and scratch my eyes off my face."

Me, "So you feel strongly about this do you...?"

Why We Learn To Count

2011-11-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

I'm doing my hair (I know... the days a success right there, right?) and Ellie walks in to use the bathroom. Too late I say, "Um, please no..."

She says, "Don't look, Mommy".

I say, "Wasn't planning on it".

After a couple of minutes I say, "Ellie! You stink!"

She says, "Going number two, Mom. You know number two, right?"

The Freaks Come Out At Our Party...

2011-10-25T11:31:00.000-07:00

Halloween Partay!!!!

Games…

The famous "Rosy Neider Crepe Paper Ball" game

The Candy Corn Game...

We read some Halloween stories...

Mummy/Toilet Paper game...

Love when somebody drives 15 hours to come visit us! AND packs their Halloween costumes!

p.s. make sure to notice Whitley flying as Supergirl, Cannon stabbing himself with his fake knife, Brooke and Cassidy giving a ghoulish glare and Nicole blowing her whistle in character… hahahahahahah

Oh, and does it on their birthday… Love you all for coming!!!!

Happy Birthday to Donna Louise!!!

Mute Button

2011-10-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

How my prayer went tonight:

Dear Heavenly Father, please give me patience. They're all driving me crazy. In the name of Jesus Christ amen.

The Sea Captain's Wife

2011-10-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

A new gentleman stopped me in the hall at church today and asked me if the person who sits next to me during Sacrament Meeting is my husband. I was hoping (for my ego) that what he was really doing was hitting on me, but MySexyHusband later told me he is in the roofing business and needs more workers... so that was probably it.

Anyways, I told him, 'No, the person who sits next to me in church is my 15 year old son. That bald man on the stand? That is my husband.'

hahahahahahah~ Now, I realize Max looks a little older than he is, but I certainly don't look younger than I am. Ahhhhh, he made my weekend. But what didn't make my weekend is the flood in the basement. From the toilet. That was running all Friday night. In fact it had been running so long that when MySexyHusband went down and found it at 3 am he decided there was entirely too much water to do anything right then and so he left it and went back to bed.

Hope that insurance policy pays off... hoping. It was biblical, we almost needed to rebuild Noah's Ark. :-(

The Unhandsome Prince

2011-10-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

Letter from my darling daughter: (Who shall remain nameless... because she seems to always be mad at me for something, or mad at her dad for something, or mad at both of us at the same time, or fractions of each of us. The point being that we are generally in a no win situation and I'm attempting to not spray any fuel on the fire...)

Dear Mother:

I change my mind about what I want for Christmas. (yes the fact that it is still early October is not lost on me) For Christmas all I want is to have a friend that I can come home to and be all mine. I would like it if I could snuggle with it. Or play with it.

Ideas: dog, horse, zebra, turtles

Any other animals don't think about. Or you could adopt a child who is my age and I get to pick her out.

Sincerely,

Your Ever Loving Daughter

Argue however you would like the merits of snuggling a zebra, horse or turtle... My favorite is the sentence where she would like to 'pick out' a child her age? lol Does she know many children her age? They are going to be as usually annoyed with her as she is with all of us. Plus the section for that item is regrettably small at Target. It's a good thing she's giving us so much time to find her 'Christmas' presents this year!

Love her. Love her, love her, love her. And I have a great deal of hope that she will love me more than she is annoyed with me eventually. I snuggle you know... She's missing the opportunity right in front of her. :-)

Pumped Up Kicks

2011-10-05T21:27:00.000-07:00

Guess what, it is my birthday today. And I have lived it to the fullest! Not really. It was good though. As I was getting the children ready for school this morning Cannon heard one of the other children wish me a happy birthday. He said, "It's your birthday today?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Well get to the store for a cake and give me some!"

Not quite the sentiment I had in mind when I pictured the day.

However I did put today to good use by returning the dog. That we almost owned. But we didn't. Because I had the carpets cleaned yesterday. And do you know what they said? They said that dog was using Cassidy's bedroom for a toilet. And I said, 'No it's not anymore!'

Good-bye Gillian. The kids cried. MySexyHusband didn't. I didn't. My house already stinks of it's own free will without an animal's assistance.

Hi Men

2011-09-28T22:46:00.001-07:00

So we have a dog now. No joke. Only nobody in the family knows it but me. I like secrets. I rarely keep them, but I like them anyways. I told everybody in the family that we are just babysitting her... in case I don't like her after all.

She is a purebred longhair dachsund (sp?) named Jinny. We have had her for 6 hours. So far so good. Only, things aren't going as good as I had hoped. Because, she was supposed to be MY dog. Meaning, we have tried a dog before (love you Night... but don't miss you...) so I knew if/when we got another dog it would be mine because I would be the only one really taking care of her.

So I would make her my best friend. And I would tell her all my secrets, and she could tell me hers if she wanted. And if I ever felt like snuggling she would be there for me. And let me cry on her fur if I needed. And alert somebody if I ever fell into a well. She was for me, and the kids could play with her when they happened to be home. Jinny and I would then pretend that we weren't as close as we were really were so we wouldn't hurt anybody else's feelings. (Count the w's in that sentence, you'll be impressed... oh yes you will. Oh! There's another one!)

But every time I tried to pick up that darn dog and love on it tonight, she suffered through it, but the minute she could get away she would. And ran right to Cassidy. And jumped up on her lap and laid there. Happily. Not sufferably. Just when you think you have a best friend, they turn on you. I guess I'll have to cry into my pillow now, tell my secrets to the plant, and when I fall in that deep, dark well... well, I guess that's the end of me.

Won't they be surprised when I tell them that we aren't really babysitting Jinny for the week, but she is actually our dog. MySexyHusband will be. That's for sure. Maybe this dog will refer us to marriage counseling also...

Or... I wonder how long I can string them along by saying we are endlessly babysitting a dog! I could keep making up reasons why our friends can't come and pick her up. That would be entertaining at least. Who needs a new best friend when you have secrets and lies to keep you warm at night anyways. Oh wait, MySexyHusband does that... Well, anyways, you get the idea.

10-7 Yeow!

2011-09-26T20:54:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure you all understand how much I loved the movie Warrior. I tried to explain it a post or two ago, and I just feel like you maybe didn't hear me. Because I LOVED that movie. Loved, lovered, l.o.v.i.e., luuuuuuuuuuuuv that movie. Give me a universal shout out right now because I HAVE know if you have heard me or not. On the count of 3, I'll just count, and you just shout... 1, 2, ...3.

Phew, thanks for that. I heard you loud and clear. Cannot be misunderstood on that one fact.

So tonight I am sitting next to MySexyHusband at Max's football game. And we love these, so we are loving life right then. And of course I am loving him, and he FOR SURE always is lovin' me... there is a lot of love going on in my life right now apparently.

Anyway, the children at home didn't not follow my instructions of homework and a movie, and instead turned all the lights off in the house to play hide and seek in the dark. Which led (obviously) to them thinking there was somebody upstairs in the house that shouldn't have been there.

So I'm watching a nail-biter of a game and I keep getting calls on my cell which I am ignoring (don't judge, the 6 year old has memorized my cell number and calls me relentlessly... even when we are in the same house, car, room) until finally I relent and find them on the other end of the line all scared. Of an intruder. That I know for a fact is not there. Because we live in a freaky/creaky old house.

So I stay on the line, try to tell them what they should have done in the first place (turn all the lights back on and go watch a movie) and then stay on the line sufficiently long enough for them to walk through the house (I think, it was loud at the game) at which time I accidentally hang-up.

Shhh, don't tell them that. So when I get home and find (not an intruder) but all of Max's bb guns out and about the house, as well as Cannon's rendition of how he walked through the house armed with a large kitchen knife I realize I have raised really smart/defensive children who were probably more danger to each other than anybody could have been to them.

Room

2011-09-25T15:15:00.001-07:00

Driving home from church and I hear Cannon explaining a game that he and Max used to play when they shared a basement bedroom back in the day.

Cannon: Max found a stick so he said he was going to teach me how to be psychic. He put a blindfold over my eyes, then would hit me from different directions while I tried to figure out where he was.

Me: (laughing... oh poor Cannon for ever having to share a bedroom with Max!)

And the youngest two of my children, who don't understand the true meaning of this game, have begged Max to play it with them all afternoon. Ellie even found her own bandana to be blindfolded with.

Begin The War

2011-09-22T00:28:00.000-07:00

Loved this movie. Loved it, loved it, loved it.

One of the best movies I've seen this year. Besides Thor. Really liked that too, for it's symbolism. Symbolism that it took me two viewings to notice. Oh, and for Thor's blue eyes.

And even though this movie had some laughs and some not laughs (there was one moment where tears were streaming down my cheeks... yes, MySexyHusband laughed at me during a very emotional scene in the movie) the biggest laugh of all came at the end of the night while MySexyHusband and I were leaving the theater.

Because we both went to push open separate doors to exit through at the same time, and MySexyHusbands didn't budge... so he followed me out through mine.

hahahahahahahah, I was laughing so hard in the parking lot I almost had to sit down and let it run it's course without the impediment of walking.

You didn't get it? MySexyHusband took me to a movie about Mixed Martial Arts fighting, and then couldn't even open the door for himself on the way out of the building? hahahahahahah, I am laughing all over again thinking about it...

My Boy Of Fall

2011-09-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

Oh, my Max... he started texting me at 9:30 pm from his bedroom:

Max: Hi

Me: Yo

Max: How is dad and are you guys fighting (which of course we weren't... we NEVER fight... unless I bring up buying rental properties... which I wasn't doing...)

Me: He is good and no we are not. Now turn your phone off and go to bed!

Max: Why would i do such a thing i am having way too much fun but if you walk into my room and tell me it will be done.

Me: If I have to come into your room you will be grounded next weekend.

Max: Come on that's harsh.

Love that kid...

It's Hard To Hide

2011-09-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

During breakfast this morning:

Ellie (6): Mom, you know how you give me advice?

Me: Ummmm, yes.

Ellie: You can stop now.

Me: You don't want me to give you advice anymore?

Ellie: No. I don't need it anymore. I can sit in the back of the schoolbus. (then she lowers her voice while nodding her head knowingly) The very back of the bus.

Title Me This

2011-08-24T01:33:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I forgot one thing I love about MySexyHusband: every night he blows his nose before coming to bed. EVERY NIGHT. I don't fully understand it since I just blow mine throughout the day as need be.

But I digress. Every night for him, like clockwork. That isn't what I love though, what I love is that every night one tiny little piece of the clean tissue gets caught on his 5 o'clock shadow (i.e. mustache) and when we wake up in the morning, there it is ready to go.

Just the tiniest piece. So cute. Really.

I can tell you don't believe me... one day, maybe a picture.

Also I would like to explain the 'cry' bit a little better since I got an email from my sister (and I don't need my Mom to send me another online depression test link). This has happened, approximately, 5 times since we got married. The point is: MySexyHusband can sleep through my late night tv watching, babies waking up in the night (hahah), when I have allergies and sniffle all night, late night girl's nights in the kitchen, or any party that goes past 10 pm... but he can't sleep through me being sad. He must wake up and be with me and know exactly what he did wrong.

Which is perfect, because that is usually what I want to explain to him anyway.

hahahhahhhaaahahaha: another joke. No online marriage compatability test links please.

Crazy, Stupid, Love

2011-08-20T17:33:00.000-07:00

So one of my most favorite moments from this past summer was when a member of the bishopric told his teenage daughter to, "Never do what Sister Norton tells you to."

hahahahahahha, it's especially ironic as I have been her Young Women's leader and Sunday School teacher at times.

This morning was an especially tough episode of getting out of bed, I tell you what! You would think the little ones jumping in and out of our bed and over the top of our heads would have been more motivating than it was.

Finally MySexyHusband referred to what we were doing as 'Parenting From Bed', and it occurred to me that someone somewhere should write that book... or at least develop that parenting style. It would sell like hotcakes. Just like the diets that promise you can eat whatever you want. There's always somebody optimistic enough to pay for that book.

Did I mention that we hit 18 years around here? The big 1-8 anniversary... celebrated in style by going to somebody else's wedding. But you know, it was actually the best way to commemorate, because I listened to the words really closely and remembered saying them myself and making those promises myself. And just look how well it's turned out. :-)

Love him. Love, love, love him. Love him for helping me put together an IKEA bed today (he told me that irregardless of the cost to just buy one 'already finished' next time), love him for cooking hamburgers for lunch, love him for saying I'm losing weight (I'm not), love him for waking up just about every time I cry in the middle of the night no matter how quietly I try to do it (always because I'm so happy, never because I'm so... not, ahem), love him teaching me about boundaries, love him for playing with our children, love him taking me on adventures.

Anne With An E

2011-07-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

So, we might have pushed it too far with the missionaries tonight. While I love a good prank... I don't love somebody to get mad. Let's face it... how funny is that?

And while I could technically blame it ALL on Max, the bottom line is that I had some idea of what he was up to. And now both of us are just counting on MySexyHusband not finding out, because... he's truly the only adult living in this house and we will definitely feel the wrath of his adult-ness on this one.

The good news is that when Max dumped the 5 gallon bucket full of water over Elder Romriell's head earlier this evening he meant it as a compliment. Kind of a You're the best for serving here for the past six months and we have really enjoyed having you around moment.

The bad news is that not every action can be correctly interpreted by it's recipient. As was the case tonight. Apparently new suit pants were being worn, and a cell phone was in the pocket. How could we have known we ask ourselves over and over! Lesson learned. One day we'll laugh (okay, we already have minus Max since he is 100% to blame while the rest of us have varying percentages).

The Far Pavilions

2011-07-10T21:52:00.001-07:00

For the record (and good to have during tax time) I made $65 off of Max and $42 off of Cassidy. Which is ironic because most of the clothes were Cassidy's... I guess she was just more willing to part with them. Or possibly had less cash to part with.

Either way it isn't Charlie Sheen who is 'winning'... it is ME! Have another pile of inventory for my second grand opening. Planning a facial for afterwards... and considering eyelash extensions just in case! Woohoo!

And guess who's got two thumbs and is closing in on 100% visiting teaching this month... (thumbs now pointing at myself, obviously) THIS CHICK! So pleased with my efforts, oh... and the ladies I visit teach for letting me in. That is no small task in and of itself. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I even tracked down somebody with a bad address and no phone number. Yeehaw!

Except she doesn't want me to come back... what? Do she even know how her life can change for the better once I am in it!? Well, probably not. It doesn't even change that much for the better in my own world when I actually show up for it. But I get a facial this week... so yeah.

2011-06-25T23:13:00.001-07:00

So Max just killed us all at Risk. That was the bad news. The good news is my sister is here to visit!!!! Love her. She held out the longest against evil Max the world-conquering-stinkhead.

I will say I held out longer in tonight's version than I have in other recent games. I guess I am improving...

Max is taking an AP (I think that means smartie fartie) biology class this next fall in high school. His teacher is so serious that Max actually has to know sections of the book before class even starts. And Max is excited about it. He keeps telling me how much he likes biology.

He said he's going to find the cure for Cancer, and AIDS, and world hunger. I didn't have the heart to tell him that world hunger technically has had a cure all along... I didn't want to dampen his spirit.

Everybody should begin summer with their spirits high... and somebody fun to visit them. :-)

Whale Wars

2011-06-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to take Max and Cass clothes shopping tomorrow. Oh yeah, good times. I'm opening a store in my room, wherein I will place all the clothes they left on the floor in the laundry room. They can purchase shirts and pants back for $5 apiece and underwears for $3 each.

I'm thinking I will take myself shopping and out to lunch after because I am sure to make a killing. Just two weeks ago I plead with them to puh-leazzzzzzze uphold the deal we had where they are supposed to do all their own laundry. Then they sort of did it.

But I wasn't surprised because I didn't really think they would, so when they didn't... they actually played into my hands. Mwahahahahahah. Quietly I went about collecting their clothing articles and now, I am close to the grand opening of my very own store.

It feels good to be an entrepreneur.

And then Simon asked me if the missionaries were coming over today. I said, "I don't know when the missionaries are coming over again."

He said, "But you're cooking?" And Cannon added, "You only cook good food when the missionaries come over."

I looked at him and thought to myself, 'If I have ever, ever cooked good food... it was purely accidental.'

Trampoline Tonight

2011-06-04T23:09:00.000-07:00

So Cass and I were watching America's Got Talent recently and there was a gentleman who did the acrobatic-arms-wrapped-in-two-long-sheets/curtains-from-the-ceiling act.

She turned and asked me in all seriousness, "Can you do that?"

To which I replied, "If I could do that... I would have showed you by now."

LoVe HeR.

But I can't tease her too much because she pretty much saved our house from being burned down earlier this week. So if you were thinking of asking her that question, the "Can you save your house from being burned down" question - she wouldn't have to answer like I did ("If I could do that... I would have showed you by now"). She could simply say, "Yes".

2011-06-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

In memory of Memorial Day...

Saw some old/favorite friends...

Serious man talk...

My favorite sewing partner...

Rode the best carousel ever…

(Because it is not just a ride, but a game too.

And you know that I dig a good game…)

Little girlie's enjoying ice cream...

Somebody wanted the bubblegum ice cream, minus the bubblegum please...

Love this girl!

Somebody spilled… hahahahahah

Saving some for later...

Riding the 'Garbage Goat'...

There's only one way down the slide, even when you're mad… :-)

Fell in love with Spokane this weekend. *sigh*

So B. It

2011-05-21T17:51:00.000-07:00

Couple great quotes from the Relief Society Women's Retreat last night:

* 11 pm and somebody who is ready to call it a night is motioned over to join a game that is just starting, "You just kicked my ass in the last game," she yells from across the room.

* Making fun of my friend for reading books that include dragons as 'characters'. So she points to her sister and says, "I am reading about vampires, she reads about dragons." Her sister replies, "But at least we don't read about alien sex." To which the first sister replies back, "Anymore! hahahah".

Of course if you only went off those quotes you would miss that we actually felt the Spirit and had some serious conversations as well. Good food, good fun, good games, good times... and nobody wore heels down to the campfire this year. :-( Miss you Tawna! hahahahahahah

The Maze Runner

2011-05-19T06:45:00.001-07:00

Max and I are driving down the road when he notices the car in front of us says, "Save the Ta-Ta's".

Max, "What are Ta-Ta's?"

Me: awkward silence. After years of being the Mom who is willing to talk about anything anybody wants to talk about I am thrown off guard by a bumper sticker. Now my awkwardness is becoming awkward.

I finally stammer (while using hand motions that aren't really helpful, not only because I am technically driving), "They are... It's for... It's referring to... a woman's chest."

Max, "What? Oh, you mean breast?"

Me, "Yes."

Max, clearly disgusted, "You couldn't just say breast, Mom? Like I'm not almost 16 years old."

Now I'm laughing, "It's not you Max, it's me!!!"

Trouble He Will Find You

2011-05-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

Guess what happened...! Nah, don't bother. It's midnight so I'll just tell you and save us all the effort. MySexyHusband wanted to take me out for Mother's Day (yes this story took place wayyyyyy back then).

And I didn't really expect him to take me out that Saturday night because our weekend was already packed and crazy. But then he did, because he is MySexyHusband after all. So there we go out on our date and he insists we go see a movie that I would choose... Water For Elephants.

He knew I wanted to see this movie, he just didn't know I had already seen it on girls night three days earlier. I offered to watch Thor, but MySexyHusband didn't budge since it was 'my night'. And I just didn't have the heart to tell him I'd gone out to a movie without him since that is one of our favorite things to do together.

So there I am sitting in Water For Elephants again wondering how I'm not going to fall asleep (since I wasn't too big a fan the first time around), when what happens? (don't guess, I'm just trying to strike a dramatic note here mid-blog) I end up liking the movie. Even really liking it. Seriously. I KNOW. Just a little Mother's Day gift for myself I guess, and do you know what I realized during the movie?

Water For Elephants is written in chiastic structure. I'm not even joking. I wouldn't joke something this important.

So as I am watching and noticing more and more of the levels I am now a big fan of this story. Just for that. And I don't remember a lot of them now, but I remember the first and last one which was:

A - Trying to get him 'home'.

A - Realizing he is 'home'.

Like I said, loved it. Opened the whole story back up for me. Would have missed it all if I had told MySexyHubbie it had already been done once.

On a related note I would also tell you that I have seen Thor twice now too (no MySexyHusband doesn't know that Max and I snuck out late one school night after tucking him into bed) and liked it just as much the second time as the first. Anyways I would tell you that except that it would make me appear super boring and somewhat unimaginative if I watched that many movies... so I won't. But what I will tell you is that while Thor was a really good movie, it was not written in chiastic structure.

I Will Survive

2011-05-14T22:52:00.000-07:00

Just got back from an awesome Pre-Girls Camp planning overnighter that was basically a precursor of… Girl's Camp. But it was still awesome and fun and I am really glad I went.

But you know what wasn't awesome or fun or made me glad that I went? When I snuggled down in my sleeping bag (in my car, because I am a survivalist and don't even need a cabin ~BAM~) and the whiff of urine leapt up to greet me.

Now I know what you are thinking, that I should have checked the sleeping bag before I took it since some of my children have a tendency towards this fault. WELL I DID. Or at least I thought I did (file this experience under reminding her she is human since she simply exhibits too much perfection too much of the time).

Now do you want to know what I am thinking? THAT MY CHILDREN SHOULD JUST STOP WETTING THE BED LIKE OTHER NORMAL CHILDREN THAT I KNOW.

7 For The Price Of 1

2011-05-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

After killing myself yesterday ~killingmyself~ to get the laundry room back in order I shouldn't have been surprised to walk in today and find... two full baskets of dirty laundry flowing onto the floor.

(I won't tell you which child was told to clean out his closet... but these are definitely the remnants)

So I dug a little in the dirty clothes baskets to see where the point of origin was for this sea of clothing, when lo and behold I find that some of it is still folded from the last time I laundered it. This is when my mood turned so ugly that I realized it was time to have a party. The party I've always wanted to have. Over the top (for me), possibly with elephant rides.

Okay let's be honest, it will at least be a barbeque with plastic utensils. It will at least be that. I'm having a party.

Where Do I Go From Here?

2011-05-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

4 Today

1) Giving Ellie a hug (the kind where my arms wrapped around her and hers hung limp to the sides of her body) and saying, "Ellie, I love you soooo much." She waited as long as he could then finally said, "Can I finish my bread now?"

2) When my 15 year old gave my 5 year a lesson in maturity, insisting that she would one day be as mature as him. I'm not so sure she isn't already...

3) When Cassidy and I figured out that an ass... has an ass. Sorry for the language, but it was a breakthrough for us at the time. How did we get on that topic? Because her name is listed in the ward phone directory as Assidy Norton.

4) Telling MySexyHusband that either he just makes his life look really exhausting, or it actually is really exhausting. Either way I'm not interested in trading him places anytime soon.

I Feel My Savior's Love

2011-05-08T20:06:00.001-07:00

Saw a breast at church today. No joke here. I almost told her that a button on her shirt was undone, then realized it wasn't... just some bad spacing on the buttons I guess. Possibly I should have told her that a bra would have been a good idea, but it is Mother's Day after all... so isn't a little bit of breast reasonable? I think so, yes. As long as it isn't mine.

Guess what happens when you are the bishop's wife in our ward? Mother's Day gifts for all the women in the ward is on you. hahahahahaha

I could tell MySexyHusband was nervous to tell me this, unrighteously thinking that I wouldn't be thrilled to handle this on "My Day". He was wrong, I couldn't wait.

He asked what I was going to do. I said, "There won't be a flower in sight. Chocolate strawberries maybe, chocolate cake maybe, chocolate bar maybe... but no flower".

*fat chocolate sigh*

Really enjoyed my day. Opened a bunch of amazingly beautiful cards from my children and when I read Simon's he told me it said, "Big, fat Mom" even though the only words I saw were, "I Love Mom". I guess alphabet letters sometimes get in the way of meaning.

Happy Mother's Day!

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic... Really?

2011-05-05T19:01:00.001-07:00

Guess who's free wifi I am on while sitting in the parking lot waiting for Cannon's baseball practice to end!? The school district's... how awesome is that! Thanks Peninsula.

There I am having a great time on internet that I don't have to pay for and when I tried to get on facebook come to find out it is blocked. But not my blog...! Shows you how out of whack their priorities are. Haven't they heard of the waste of time this blog is?! I guess I should consider myself lucky to slip through the cracks like that.

Tough day people, tough day. Wish I could go into details but even I wouldn't come back here again if I did. A little too much reality for one day. Glad tomorrow is friday, except all that really means is nothing. Especially since our date night this weekend is the High Priest Group Social.

*YAWN*

Don't tell anybody I said that. But if I'm not honest on my blog then where can I truly be honest I ask you?

Also have been a bit yappy at the kids today. Was feeling a bit badly after barking at Cassidy especially, love that girl! She was tired of it too I realized when she kept saying snarky comments at anybody who would listen. I mostly ignored them until I heard her say, "Just tell me when I've gone too far and send me to my room." I understood her game... and respected it.

After MySexyHusband left for interviews tonight she said to the rest of the dinner table, "Now we just need to figure out how to get Mom out of here."

I laughed. Max said, "That's rude." I said, "No, I get where she is coming from and only wish I had somewhere more disco-ish to go to than Cannon's practice."

But then look, here I am and who knew that wifi would meet me here. I can stop trying to 'accidentally' forget his practices now. *sigh*

Water Burial

2011-05-04T01:17:00.000-07:00

Water For Elephants: Was the name supposed to have a significant meaning? I love symbolism, but that elephant drank nary a water. All they gave it was alcohol. Not a bad story, however, not a great story either. I think it was the affair... such a turnoff for me in a movie/story/real life event.

Atlas Shrugged: Realized halfway into the movie that Roark wasn't going to show up. Having read The Fountainhead a few years back I was excited to see it come out as a movie. Finally I leaned over to my husband and he explained that I had confused the two books. Relaxed after that and quit waiting for Roark and his drafting pencils.

Tangled: Still haven't seen it. Even after buying it. It is Max's new favorite movie however, something he probably didn't want me to share with y'all.

Matched: Enjoyed the book. Quick read which is just up my alley. Finally finished it at 2 pm last night so I guess it wasn't a 'quick' enough read. Couple kids late to school and Simon had to fully skip pre-school this morning so I wasn't late to my second ortho appointment after sleeping in. (these apptmts are gospel in this house, already excited to have these braces OFF)

John 9: Discussed with the 14-15 year olds on Sunday. Couldn't bribe them to bring their scriptures to class since it was Fast Sunday. Next week I will 'blind' them with HoHo's in the classroom... it should go better. Plus we will cover the parables about money, what teenager doesn't want to talk about money?

True Causes For Celebration

2011-05-02T20:50:00.001-07:00

We just finished Family Home Evening... which means there were tears and a fight.

Multiple fights. But I expected all of the above, since it was FHE and what FHE doesn't end that way? It started that way as well when I asked what song we should sing and both

the 4 year old and the 5 year old had very strong opinions.

MySexyHusband came home sick and I fell into a strong nap at about the same time

so when I woke up to find the furious five outside all playing crocket (spelling?) I realized they had found the perfect activity for FHE. And I happened to have HoHo's

in the cupboard so together we all made a whole.

Love nights like that. Wish I could offer you each a HoHo...

nothing shows kindness more than sugar. And I actually have enough for everybody who reads this blog. Without a way to send it through the internet wires you're

on your own this time I guess.

If you are wondering what good fight you could have to finish your own FHE: kicking an older sister when she beats you at crocket (again spelling?) is a really good one.

Figuring Things Out

2011-04-17T14:55:00.000-07:00

Just when you thought I was as cool as I could get...

Adult braces!

Oh yeah...

And do you know what comes free of charge with braces?

(probably you do, I didn't)

...a lisp! That's right, I am now the proud owner of a lisp.

Economic Terrorism

2011-03-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Did you used to like edamame like I did?

Yes, that is a worm... and yes, it narrowly missed my teeth.

Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Didn't see it until after eating the soybeans from inside.

Do you understand the ramifications there?! Do you!!!

I will miss you Sushi Revolution, because even though I realize there was no way to prevent this, and that it wasn't your doing... I have still lost my appetite for your restaurant.

Best wishes...

Jimmer Didn't Need The Rimmer

2011-03-18T04:27:00.001-07:00

My latest craze is edamame, and I used to spend kazillions of dollars (almost as much as the national deficit) going to sushi restaurants just to order this amazing soybean. But then I saw them at Costco. Costco! Who knew. And now I am set up for life...

So I was teaching my children how to eat them the other day. Roped a couple of them into trying it. I was telling them to put the green bean looking thing in your mouth, suck off the salt and your bite out the beans. So yummy for our tummy's! And most of them agreed.

However, it took Max a bit longer to be willing to try them. He was on the computer though, and can facebook really compare to edamame? In my book no, in his yes. But he finally sauntered over and says, "Okay, how do you do this?"

Before anybody can say anything he picks up an empty edamame shell from the 'used' bowl, pops it in is mouth and says, "Now what?"

We were all dying slash throwing up which is when he realized that irregardless of anything he should immediately abort and seek further clues. So funny!

P.S. BYU won today! First time I have watched Jimmer, and he was impressive. Up until the announcer said he wasn't going on a mission and then he lost all cred in my book. Maybe I misunderstood something however, so I am withholding final judgement for now. For now...

Sale More!

2011-03-14T16:55:00.000-07:00

I walked into Simon's room... and there it was. I knew my moment had come. The moment I had been unknowingly preparing for all my natural born life. Time suddenly stood still, my mind raced with my options and calmly I prepared a game plan.

Hands full I advanced: it was do or die, gut check time, put up or shut up... you get the idea. If I didn't prove myself now, well, there was no point going on.

Slipping my flip flops off I moved forward, flexing my feet. My entire being crackled with anticipation, and my knees literally cracked. They knew what was coming.

We had cleaned Simon's room earlier in the day. Spotless cleaning where we went under the bed, organized the drawers and closet, vacuumed even. So you can understand how I tensed up the moment I saw the lone sock laying on the floor.

Finally I reached the point of no return, the sock smiled up at me mockingly. I would take it no longer. My toes flexed, curled, and cupped that sock in their teeth. In one swift motion my leg swiftly extended into a beautiful high kick unclenching at the most opportune time when *plip* that sock was dropped from my gorgeously long toes and landed safely in the top drawer of the dresser.

No one (ie MySexyHusband) should ever mock the talent these toes possess for gripping items again. I have proved their worth.

It's A Thin Line Between Good Taste and Bad Taste

2011-03-04T20:30:00.001-08:00

Did you know I am still listening to Christmas music? Cannot stop myself.

So I'm sitting in the middle school this morning listening to all the young-uns give their speeches on why their peers should vote for them. And my heart is melting because I can see how scary it is to stand in front of the entire school and put it all out there.

I am feeling love for all mankind and wishing everybody could win because I want each of these kids to feel good about themselves and be winners. Cassidy was the last to speak and she did a phenomenal job. There were probably 35 middle schoolers running for some sort of office so she sat there for quite awhile waiting for her turn.

But when it was her turn she walked up to the microphone appearing confident, gave her opening joke and finished with a strong speech. I felt badly for the other three running for president because Cassidy just appeared presidential compared to them. I just knew she would make a great president.

So she came home from school and I am dying to find out the results, I have basically been sitting on my hands so I couldn't dial the school myself. And as I listened to her explain how they made the announcement and that she didn't win after all, well... suddenly I didn't want everybody to win. And I didn't want everybody to feel good and have a turn. I only wanted my daughter to win.

hahahhahaaahhhaha

Hopefully her losing will build character. For me.

Amabo Kcarab

2011-03-02T15:30:00.000-08:00

So Cassidy is running for student body president, (voting is Friday!) and after a rough beginning she is off to a great start.

Case in point: very first person to hear she was running and approach her saying, "I am going to vote for you!" made her so nervous she responded, "...well, there are a lot of good people running..."

We discussed later how it is okay to simply say, "Thank you!"

On Day 3 Of Puffy Eyes

2011-03-01T14:36:00.001-08:00

So I found out Max read the entire Twilight series. In the library at school during lunchtime because he didn't think I would approve. He overheard me talking with somebody about what a 'yawner' book four was and how I had to skip entire chunks because I did actually want to know how it ended, I just didn't want to have to slog through the mire to get there.

So he shared his opinions on the series too, which I don't remember because I was still picturing him in a corner of the library sneaking bites of his lunch out of his backpack while being engrossed in a vampire series. My brain needs to be scrubbed.

Then this is what he told me yesterday, "You want to hear something funny?"

So I said, "Yes."

He says, "Okay, let me think of it..."

And that was it, he didn't even have anything prepared. Come to think of it, I would still like to hear something funny.

2011-02-26T21:56:00.001-08:00

Tonight I tucked Simon into bed and while snuggling into his blankets he said, "Can you turn on a movie, Mommy?"

Me, "No."

Simon, "Please Mommy! I promise not to watch it..."

Then later when I was putting Ellie to bed she asked me to take the rubberbands out of her hair. While I was pulling on it, and trying to be extra gentle, she gave me the go-ahead to yank saying, "Sometimes I like it when it hurts."

hahahahahhhaaha, good to know!

Could You Spare A Square?

2011-02-23T18:36:00.000-08:00

In ongoing Cassidy coverage there is a new story. And it is:

Grandpa and Nana sent everybody a fun music or book cd for Valentine's Day. Super fun because they were let down with I got them: i.e. nothing. Oops I forgot, my bright smiley face. Now Happy Valentine's and go to school. I did give them that.

But Nana and Grandpa sent actual fun stuff so it wasn't very long before we were listening to Simon's Veggietales cd as we drove along. It was full of youthful ditties like The Wheels on the Bus and The Finger Song. I'm not sure that is what it is called, but those are some of the lyrics so it's the best you are going to get right now.

Because while I type this I am unusually busy. I won't tell you what room of the house I am busy in but it is a really little one and the towels should be hanging on the rack, not the floor. Just noticed that.

Anywho, Cassidy hears The Finger Song begin and immediately points out that it is 'A Bad Song Mom!' (because you know, it goes 'Where is Thumbkin, where is Thumbkin… Here I am, here I am. How are you today sir? Very fine, I thank you… run away. Run away. And then proceeds to that same similar chant with each finger)

I'm like, seriously? Get over yourself. She says she is being serious, the song promotes little children putting their middle finger up!!!!

I do nothing, she's miffed that I don't immediately throw cd out the window. So cut to the middle finger part of the song and from the recesses of the suburban Cassidy calls out, "Alright everybody, altogether!" And procedes to embellish the gestures and helps anybody interested to do the same.

Thanks yet again Nana, you big boob.

hahahahahahahhahhhaaaaaahaaa

Won Again!

2011-02-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you Marcus for an edited version… *sigh* (no more… hahahahaha)

On another note the latest word around here is 'boob'. Ooops, I should have told you not to read past the title Mom… sorry. I know how you hate that word.

Come to think of it, it is your fault this is the word around here though. Because the other day when Cassidy was having a cry fest and I told her to quit being a boob she did indeed stop crying. Success, right! No. She wanted to know why I had called her… a feminine body part.

I was confused, doesn't everybody know that when somebody cries and whines and goes on and on and on, they are just being a boob? That is what my mother called it back in the day, I swear! So either she invented it and is totally weird in the brain, or it is a common (slightly?) term.

Ever since that day Cassidy is on pins and needles waiting for somebody to cry around here. I even caught her purposefully teasing Simon the other day and when I asked her about it she said she just wanted him to cry so she could call him a boob.

I'm like… really? Seriously? Don't make me call your Nana.

So when Ellie was crying I knew she had finally gotten her chance. And come to find out Ellie was crying harder than she had originally been because somebody (Cassidy) had called her a not nice name. She didn't like that. And she is old enough to know what the name meant, she said as she stuck out her chin.

The good parenting continues through the generations.

Although, it reminds me of a great story. And I swear it's a true story, except that I wasn't there, so I don't really know that. But it feels like it would be truth… you be the judge.

A Bishop is releasing the Relief Society President in Sacrament Meeting and calls her up to bear her testimony. True to form she bears a fabulous testimony, getting teary at the end. Embarrassed at her emotional show she finishes her testimony off by saying, "I guess I'm just a big boob."

The Bishop gets up, puts his arm around her shoulders, and says into the microphone, "Bishops like big boobs."

hahahahkjjlfsdjfahahasdahdshaldhjfdashalahahahahhaah

Early Valentine's Day

2011-02-12T21:58:00.001-08:00

Ten minutes into our date night…

Me: How long do I have to wait before you tell me how awesome I look?

MySexyHusband: I already told you! Earlier today...

Me (cutting him off): Since when is that the right answer?!

MySexyHusband grinning sheepishly…

Me: Check your list of all the right answers that you know of and see if that one is on it.

MySexyHusband: You look very pretty tonight!

Meet Me at 7:45 am For a Possum Hunt

2011-02-10T22:35:00.001-08:00

Made the mistake of calling out some advice to my daughter during her basketball game today. It was as awkward as it sounds. You know when you say something and at the exact minute you are saying it the regret is already there? Wrapped around you like a hot, itchy blanket?

Yeah, me too. I had the thought that maybe I shouldn't go to my children's sporting events. This isn't the first time I have had that thought either. I just get too involved emotionally and it is exhausting… probably for all of us.

Bless her heart, maybe I'll take her shopping tomorrow to make up for it. Isn't that what we are supposed to do as mothers? Throw money at the problem? Wait a minute then… shouldn't I just throw money at me… since I am the problem. ahahhhaaahahaha So... I should just take myself shopping?

Yesssssssssss! hahahahahah Once again, I find a way for me to come out the winner! :-)

On the upside MySexyHusband took me out on a date spontaneously tonight and we saw True Grit. It was super awesome, and no I didn't call out any advice mid-movie. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Looked up the music on iTunes when we got home.

And you know, I think I would have done pretty good in the Old West. Could have held my own for sure. Gone up against Charlie Long (or whatever his name was who the girl was chasing) no problem.

What I couldn't have done was neglected my dental hygiene as much as they all did. Made for gut wrenching close-ups. And you know what? That is one thing my daughter has going for her… regular dental check-ups. As embarrassing as I am in other situations, she won't have to worry about any close-ups.

Just How Crazy Is Michelle?

2011-02-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Lots of room to move around! This empty airplane to Acapulco

only fueled MySexyHusband's concern that his wife would be beheaded!

(Some men would see that as a added vacation perk… hahahahah)

MySexyHusband lost the game we were all playing poolside, so he

had to… strike that, got to dance with a lovely Mexican senorita.

We found some fun stuff when we finally ventured into town! This dude climbed

up the cliff and then dove off. Very brave… water was so shallow he had to wait for

a wave to come in so he didn't become paralyzed on entering the water head first.

Smiling with our heads intact...

The amazing tree house we ate dinner in, we both agreed it was one

of the most spectacular dining experiences of our young lives.

View of the water from our own personal tree house… (we were early, i.e. before they were even open. But they still fed us. Because we had heads… unlike many of their other clients)

Hot Like the Summer

2011-02-05T22:42:00.000-08:00

There is a Milky Way (carmel version… the best kind) hidden in my house somewheres. I know, because I am the one who hid it. And now I can't find it. I remember thinking to myself, 'I've got to hide it good. It is one against six in this house, and I may lose the war… but I am NOT going to lose this battle.'

Then I hid it. And now I can't find it. Define irony. Especially since I brought it home to MySexyHusband as a peace offering for giving him the silent treatment, and then when he was already asleep… I got excited that I could keep it for myself. Kind of like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. I may have even referred to is as 'my precious'.

Irrelevant now.

Ohhhhhh, pictures from Acapulco… maybe next time. I am super busy you know.

Somewhere With You

2011-02-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

Highlights from my trip to Acapulco with MySexyHusband:

MySexyHusband halfway through the trip on Monday evening: "Monday over. Check." (hahahahahah, he never quite felt safe in Acapulco. If the news reports didn't include so many beheadings it would have helped. Just when I got him comfortable enough to go off resort and into downtown to see the sights our taxi driver told us how his son had been shot in the head the week before at the local Walmart. The local Walmart being two blocks away from our resort.)

MySexyHusband the next day while we lay by the pool: "I look at every plane going over our heads and think, 'I wish I was on it'." (Continuing the previous theme of fear and uncertainty.)

Finally… FINALLY he agreed to go into Acapulco to dinner and to watch a cliff diving show (I just realized I should put pictures up! Well, maybe I'll put pictures up… we'll see, I am pretty busy you know…) but only after waking up Wednesday morning and saying, "I just feel better about it. I don't know why… I had a dream that it was okay." Me: "What was the dream?" MySexyHusband: "I don't remember, only that it was going to be okay."

So we are getting ready to go into downtown Acapulco and he says, "I'm putting on my running shoes though…"

We were walking through the resort and looking into the opened windows for signs of life (there were an unusually low amount of people vacationing at the same time we were which only fueled his opinion that we weren't safe because… see! Everybody else got the memo not to come to Mexico!) and after noticing that every room had the same decor he said, "I think it's communism."

On the flight home I just knew he needed to hear a super awesome new song that I had on my ipod so I handed him the ear bud, he took one look at it and refused saying, "I don't want to get electrocuted." …in all fairness to him, they did appear electronically compromised.

The point: I had a fabulous time. Mostly because I didn't get beheaded… But then again, neither did MySexyHusband.

It Is Time: BM

2011-02-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

So I was on my way to the gym when I realized I don't even like to go to the gym. Instead I pulled into Target and had a brilliant idea: buy a beginner's yoga set. I have always wanted to try yoga. It has seriously been a dream of mine. But I have always gotten sidetracked doing… something else. Plus, let's face it, showing up on time for a class at a gym I already don't like to go to is clearly not going to happen.

So there I am with my beginner's set of yoga stuff (yeehaw, dream realized!) including DVD, mat, block of some sort and a belt. I'm not sure what the belt is for, probably to hold my pants up when I lose the promised inches. And since I am going to be dropping inches now that I do yoga I can stop at McDonald's on the way home from Target. And I don't even like McDonald's, it's like my car turned in all by itself. I swear!

And after getting home and checking my messages I am reminded that I have A LOT to do today. There is a message from my husband saying he forgot his lunch, but I can't return his call because he is getting the silent treatment right now. Clearly he hasn't gotten that message yet. Apparently it's time to step up my efforts.

But do you know how hard it is to give the silent treatment to a bishop? He gets messages all the time that I have no choice but to pass on and then quick as can be I have to slip back into my 'business as usual' attitude.

And do you want to know what's even more difficult than giving my husband the silent treatment? Giving it to my father. Who lives two states away. Clearly he doesn't understand his predicament either. Yet.

He was called as a Mission President with my Mom and they are set to leave this June. Which was super awesome news for me because my two college age sisters who aren't married won't have anywhere to live now! YeeHaw! I planned to step in and save the day by making them move in with me for the summer.

Which really only saves the day for me because having them all summer to myself would be like Lagoon every day all summer long. Which is a good thing. For me. Probably not for you, I understand that Lagoon is not for everybody. It is an acquired taste. But it is right at the top of my list of awesome things in life, right below my sisters being at my home. All summer. With me.

But then I open my email and find out that my dear father wants both girls to go with him at the beginning of his mission for the first (and only) six weeks of summer and… like I said, silent treatment for him. He basically took a summer of Lagoon away from me.

So he is getting the same silent treatment my MySexyHusband is getting. Only for different reasons. MySexyHusband is getting it because he won't let me buy real estate. We have this slight difference of opinion every year. I mean, who wouldn't want to buy real estate!? At least that's the way I look at it. But clearly he doesn't because here we are again, differencing our opinion slightly.

And again it comes back to Lagoon because buying some rental properties would be like going to Lagoon for me. And he won't let me go to Lagoon. I JUST WANT TO GO TO LAGOON PEOPLE! *sigh*

Put Me In Coach, I'm Pumped!

2011-02-01T00:38:00.001-08:00

So, just when I had turned my blog off and figured I was done with the madness… up walks Max. He is always good for a blogpost.

Here it is: I'm driving him to basketball practice today. I flip the movie on for Simon and Ellie. Max complains, "Heyyyyyy, I need my pump up music!"

I assume he means fast moving stuff to get him ready to run up and down the court so I flip him my ipod. Half the songs I have on it are songs he has downloaded, so there has to something considered 'pump up'.

He puts the headphones on and immediately turns the volume up for a favorite country song… I know, because it is loud enough I can sing along with the music.

Soon enough we arrive at the gym and he tosses the ipod back to me as he jumps out of the car. Since the radio is still being used for the movie I flip the earbuds into my ears and find that he was in the middle of Dancing Through Life from Wicked, the musical.

The Best Policy

2011-01-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

So I've been inspired by Brad Womack's honesty and feel ready to try my hand at it as well...

Here it is: I was totally wrong about the car.

Seriously.

After throwing MySexyHusband under the bus (don't worry, he's used to it i.e. he doesn't read my blog anyway so he doesn't even know I did it haha!) I remembered a few facts that he was considering and I wasn't.

Namely: he is paid to drive a nice car. No joke. I had forgotten that in his contract (the one that says how much he makes if he upholds it) he agreed to drive a car that was mostly new and... something else... something about the size. Meaning he can't drive a new VW Bug, it's gotta be a sedan with four doors. I think. It's a lot to remember, obviously.

So MySexyHusband was remembering his contract and that we have been breaking for the past four years since his car is... like, 9 years old. He just wanted to keep his word, and I just wanted to save money. But I can save more money if his paycheck keeps coming. So I realized his plan was the better one.

And not only that, but they give him a stipend to make sure it happens. So we are gonna... make it happen. Because we like that stipend. A lot. A lot a lot a lot.

But don't worry that I am all out bent out of shape because he was right this time, I have some funny stories from our recent trip to Mexico that I keep meaning to get around to. It will give me several more opportunities to throw him under the bus. Because he likes it there... he told me... or he doesn't read my blog. Pick whichever answer won't keep you up at night.

Of Course It's 2:30 am

2011-01-01T02:24:00.000-08:00

New Year's Resolutions:

* Have a better attitude

* Less Catan, more exercise

* Attempt to forget brother 'Curt's' latest practical joke

(possibly I should blog about it... Unless Curt can offer some firm reasons why I shouldn't i.e. cash)

* Remember what I love

(the who's are easy to remember)

* Have a better attitude

* Make less fun of democrats... or just make fun of Al Gore... hmmmm, tough call that one

Girl's Guide

2010-12-27T22:55:00.000-08:00

After the last few birthdays my children have had it occurred to me that other people give way better gifts than we do. It's not fun to find out how much of a loser you are.

Also, MySexyHusband says we need a new car. I say okay. He says the make and model he has his eye on and I cringe. I say aren't we the sufficient-for-our-needs kind of people? Dr. Phil says he would never buy a car on credit and for sure wouldn't drive a newer car than his children rode around in.

Okay, I didn't add the Dr. Phil bit. People stop listening whenever you quote Dr. Phil or Glenn Beck I have learned. But I did make a lot of other very persuasive arguments on why a lovely Toyota Corolla is exactly what he needs for a work car.

Anyway, I don't think MySexyHusband wanted a discussion. Then he joked that when he goes car shopping for his 40th birthday he doesn't want me to come anymore. And we both laughed since that was exactly how we planned to celebrate the big day.

The next night he told me that he test drove the dream car earlier that day. I guess it wasn't a joke after all.

But do you want to know what was a joke? When I was 7 and decided I was going to write a joke book. So I found a bunch of previously published joke books and began copying their jokes using our family typewriter. Didn't even try to find the best ones, just word for word went down each page copying/'writing' my very own joke book. I never made any royalties off that publication btw.

This Is Christmas

2010-12-25T00:52:00.001-08:00

New definition of cheating death: going through security at the airport and finding their new x-ray porn picture machine is not being utilized.

Didn't have to choose between permanent naked picture or getting felt up by sweaty government employee.

2010-12-23T21:53:00.000-08:00

Here I am finishing up my Thanksgiving info since I have some pretty good stories from our trip to Mexico, and you know I will make my children cry during a game or two over Christmas which will add to the pile of blogging info as well... so, here is how Thanksgiving finished:

Grandma's feet from the hospital...

After Cassidy escorted Grandma to the bathroom but before Grandma

offered to let Max chase nurses...

Grandma brought Max a homemade, furry blanket for all his scout campouts,

everybody fights to snuggle in it... except Max. Oddly enough.

Simon and Grandma found a ladybug on the floor, and it's a good thing she's basically blind so she can't see all the other paraphernalia dotting the floor also... ew, gross!

Grandma brought her new camera and took pictures right and left. After a couple of days she realized she had been using ours... here she snapped Cannon after

he finished his tower of dominos!

See what I mean? Grandma in action...

When MySexyHusband called Max up to go home teaching she

called, "Can you take my camera and take a picture of you while you do it?"

They didn't.

When Grandma first arrived at our house I asked her if there was anything special I could get from the store because I wanted to make sure she had whatever

food she desired/was used to. She said, "I live on chips."

Good to know. :-)

When MySexyHusband and Max blatantly accused me of cheating because I was killing them at Sorry, Grandma said, "You can call anybody a cheater except Carrol."

And when MySexyHusband joked about the name of her horse

from back in the day (Bally Doll) she told him frankly to, "Shut-up".

Love my Grandma... *sigh*

Different, But Still Good

2010-11-28T21:40:00.000-08:00

Highlights from Grandma's stay in the hospital: (yes, she went to the hospital... apparently we weren't giving her a good enough tour of the Gig (as in Harbor) so she opted to see some sights we hadn't put on the list - haha!)

1) When we were waiting for some tests to come back in the ER and the nurse came in to check on her asking, "How are you feeling now Donna?" Grandma said, "That is the stupidest question I have ever heard."

2) When the doctor got off course and explained hospice (which Grandma obviously doesn't need) including the part where you have to die within 6 months if you are on hospice. Grandma said, "Okay, go cheer up another of your patients now."

3) When Cassidy came to stay with Grandma while I went home to shower and check on my babies and Grandma offered to let Cassidy come in to the bathroom with her... eye-opening for sure, and a lesson in which invitations in life should be accepted, and which should be turned down.

4) When I was leaving the hospital after Max and Cassidy's visit with Grandma to take them home and they were saying good-bye. Grandma said, "Max, you don't have to leave... you can stay and chase nurses if you want!"

Thank You Avett Brothers

2010-11-25T00:03:00.000-08:00

Grandma's here! Phew! Because the weather for sure tried to thwart that one. We are having a grand time, besides Simon who keeps telling Grandma that he doesn't like her. (he's in a mood) And besides the five children I have who need things like baths and meals so I can't just lie in bed with Grandma and laugh at all the funny stories we like to tell.

Yeah... but they make up for it, like when I beat them playing Sorry. And I laugh really loud. And when they start to cry I say, "Look, I told you I was sorry." And then I laugh even louder and longer. Stuff like that.

I know Glenn Beck says we should be talking about the how much more food and gas is costing and/or acting on our thankfulness this weekend, but I would rather cackle at my children when I beat them in games. Don't hate the player, hate the extra time the holiday provides the player.

Nother favorite song cause I am on a roll-o:

Finding Gold Hard & Cold

2010-11-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

New favorite song: I just know you'll love it.

But before I give you my new song I was just wondering: is it tacky to edit your double chin out of the family Christmas card? Because I did. And I'm not embarrassed to admit this fact, just embarrassed to look at it.

Probably I don't even care if you look at it, I just don't want to see it myself. And since it is my Christmas card it will eventually go into the family picture album and BAM... I will have to look at it one day. But not really, because, like I said: edited.

Oh, and guess what? Here is some information for you: Grandma Donna coming into town tomorrow. Do you know what this means? LOTS OF JUICY BLOGS. Grandma Donna says and does all sorts of crazy things so... as long as I am paying attention I should come away with many good stories to share. :-)

Oh, and here is my new favorite group.

Kick Drum Heart

2010-11-20T00:16:00.000-08:00

Two truths and a lie...

a) I go to rub my nose as Cassidy and I were driving late one night. I notice her looking at me weirdly and ask why. She says she was checking to see if I was going to eat my booger. I said first of all I wasn't picking my nose and second I can promise you that no matter how often you watch or peek in on me you will never, ever, EVER catch me eating something from inside my nose.

b) I have watched Charlie St. Cloud three times in the past week.

c) Am going to re-give MySexyHusband the same two gift certificates from past Christmases since he has yet to redeem them. Massage and dinner at a nice restaurant... the gifts that keep on giving.

:-)

Who Made You King of Anything?

2010-11-08T22:15:00.000-08:00

Message on machine today from mid-80's grandma:

Grandma: Hi baby, it's Grandma... I have been shopping with your mother and I bought all sorts of unhealthy and bad things that will kill me. Your mother bought all sorts of fruits and vegetables that will keep her alive. Call us back.

Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep

2010-11-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie... I have utilized the tv wayyyyyy too much around here lately. So today I stopped. When Ellie and Simon asked me to put a movie on after school I told them, "No. Play with each other instead."

Ellie sat Simon down near the television and said, "Can we play like we are watching a movie?"

Because You Would Want To Know

2010-11-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

Grandpa and Nana visit...

We got to Max, Cassidy, and Cannon's games (and they all win, of course!)

They take us to dinner for my birthday and we find an amazing restaurant in Everett, WA. Who knew! Eating their Smoked Salmon Chowder was one of the single most exciting experiences of my life... after watching Celtic Thunder later that night, of course.

Dad nabs a handful of Halloween candy...

The children have an entourage at the bus stop...

And Dad feasts on the good word of the scriptures...

Cock-A-Doodle-Doo

2010-10-30T23:57:00.001-07:00

Max's latest joke:

A farmer wanted a new, young rooster in his chicken coop with his hens because his currant rooster was getting old. So the farmer went to the local rooster emporium and picked out a nice rooster who fit the specifications.

Later that day the old rooster saw the young rooster strutting around like a stud and said, "You think you're all that. Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block so I will make a deal with you. If you can beat me in a 10 lap race around the chicken coop I will let you have all the hens to yourself. But if I win, I get all the hens."

The new rooster said, "It's a deal. And because I am so quick I will give you a headstart."

The two roosters line up at the start of the chicken coop and begin to race, the younger rooster waiting for the older rooster to finish his first lap before starting off. Pretty soon all the hens notice that a race is going on and so they line up to watch and cheer on the rooster they want to win.

Slowly the young rooster begins to gain on the old rooster. By the eighth lap the young rooster is directly behind the old rooster and gaining. The farmer hears the commotion being made by his hens and makes his way out to the chicken coop where he sees the old rooster running away from the young rooster.

The farmer picks up the young rooster, immediately returns it to the emporium, and says, "Dang-it! That's the third gay rooster I've bought!"

Hugo the Habbit... I Mean Rabbit

2010-10-29T10:09:00.001-07:00

Ellie: Mom, can I draw a picture of you?

Me: Of course! I love your pictures!

Ellie (as she is busily drawering): Can I give you a mustache?

Me: Why would you do that? (thinking to myself, 'I did get waxed last week you know...')

Ellie: ...I'll cover it up...

So I watch her draw and realize as she is laboring away she is also continually looking back and forth between her picture and my face just to get it right. Even while drawing the mustache it requires glances at my face... But she does keep her word and eventually my cheeks and mustache become one. It is covered up just like she said.

Happy Halloweens

2010-10-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

Ellie, who is helping Cassidy throw a large Halloween party (and I use the term 'helping' loosely), ran in to tell me that they must have the pizza out in the barn nowwwwww because Ellie is starving!

I said, "You'll have to wait until all the girls get here, then I will send the pizza out."

Ellie said, "But my stomach hurts I am soooooo hungry... I guess I will just have to give myself a wedgie."

I said, "Wait, you are pulling a wedgie out?" (right? because a wedgie is when the underwears sneak up the... well, the crack)

Ellie, "No. I am giving myself a wedgie and then that will hurt more than my stomach so I won't think about it."

Getting My Speed On

2010-10-19T08:06:00.000-07:00

Do you know how it feels to walk into the bathroom only to find an inch of water on the floor and then remember that your children had been telling you that the toilet backed up a couple of days ago.

It has since taken me a couple of days to sufficiently exhaust all my energy looking for the plunger and decide to go and buy one today. I'm sure the bathroom will need a lot of extra attention by that point... :-(

You doing anything more interesting than me today? ha!

Dinner Dishes

2010-10-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

Cannon and I were standing by the back door watching all the children outside playing. He leaned against me and said, "I really have to go to the bathroom."

There was a healthy pause in our conversation so I finally said, "There's something you can do about that, you know that right?"

And then I told Simon today that I wanted a kiss. He said, "No." I said, "Simon, if you don't give me a kiss I will die!" He said, "Die."

So there you have it.

An Official Wound

2010-10-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've decided social causes are my new thing. We'll see how it goes. Some days the outcome looks good, some days I just make things worse... but I refuse to give up. Can't sleep with myself if I don't try.

Pancakes at seminary this morning, thank you Bro. Miller.

Another Mumford & Sons treat:

Whataya Want From Me

2010-10-11T08:03:00.001-07:00

Cannon snuggled up to me last night during family scripture reading and asked if I was growing a mustache.

Yes. I am growing a mustache. Seriously people, you see what I have to put up with?

Obviously I haven't discussed at the dinner table my frustration when my 'wax girl' closed her shop up two months ago. Does the child realize how hard it is to replace somebody so important!?

It's not as easy as replacing... oh, an ob/gyn for instance. Finding somebody worthy of waxing all your delicate areas is an important task. One not to be rushed.

Which means... for the time being... I am growing a mustache. :-{)

Happy Birthday To Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2010-10-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

Do you know the sense of accomplishment one gets from making it into their Monthly Seminary Newsletter?! The one that gets emailed to everybody in the northern... I mean western... I mean the one that gets emailed to a lot of people in Washington who teach seminary? I DO!!!

Of course, it was more of a reprimand and not a compliment in this case... so luckily my name wasn't mentioned. But don't let that fool anybody, I knew exactly who they were talking about! Me! hahahahah

And I'm not going to lie, at first I was completely annoyed because it was for such a lame-o reason. But then I remembered that being annoyed is a waste of my energy and that it would be much better to just pray for that person... so I did.

I Get the Hermit Lifestyle

2010-10-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

So I went to wake up MySexyHusband from a nap yesterday and he was drooling all over his pillow. I know! hahahahahahahahah, oh... hahahahhaahahahahhaha. Anyway, I'm still laughing about that one.

He didn't think it was funny for me to laugh at him though. Before he was fully awake he let me know it too, he said, "If you make fun of me I'll make fun of you." in a half sleepy, eyes still shut voice.

hahahahahahahahahaaaahahahhahhhhaha... more funny stuff, right?

And you knew you weren't going to get away without a Mumford & Sons today, right? Right!

Oktoberfest

2010-10-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

Another... just because I can.

Mumford & Sons

2010-09-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

Taking a moment out of my super awesome life to remind y'all that my life is indeed super awesome. Would not want you to forget or be confused about that...

Also, here is a lovely little musical snack for you. This is one of my new favorite songs, and it's good I found it because I am on a strict no-Celtic Thunder diet during October so that when I go to their concert (YES you heard correctly, I AM going to their concert... YeeHaw for me!!!!!! And I am dragging MySexyHusband, son, daughter, and me Mom and Da... it will be super awesome for sure!) I will enjoy their music as if it were fresh for the first time.

And here is the song...

P.S. related to last post I have found out why Ellie doesn't love school, apparently she is the class bully. :-( We are currently working on how to be kind to other children.

Caught Again!

2010-09-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

So you could say that Ellie isn't taking to kindergarten like a fish to water. At first prospects were good, she's seen her siblings get on the yellow bus for years and anxiously awaited her turn. She didn't even want me to drive her the first day of school, opting rather to ride the bus with the rest of the school children.

It's been down hill since the first week ended though. The reality of 'growing up' has set in like a bomb (as it does to all of us), and Ellie has chosen to utilize the 'sick day strategy'. I got wise to her immediately and shut that exit strategy up tight... trying the, "But Ellie, if you don't go to school the police men will take me to jail!" gambit. Luckily, so far it is working. But not like a charm.

Here is a recent conversation of ours:

Me: Ellie, we need to do your hair so we can go the open house at your school tonight! Aren't you excited to show me your classroom?

Ellie: No.

Me: You don't want to show me your desk, lunchroom, friends, and all the projects you've been working on so far this year?

Ellie: Pretty much... no.

Banana Splits

2010-09-25T23:30:00.001-07:00

Should I tell you which child this was or not... I'll have to think on that. In the meantime here's the story:

Talking to _________ right before bedtime while he/she was laying in bed. They curled up to pull their dirty socks off, put them up to their nose, smiled and breathed in saying, "I love that smell. You have to get the right amount though... it's just like sugar: if you have too much it makes you sick."

This is where I threw up.

The Purchase of a Much Needed Can of Lysol

2010-09-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

The problem with sharing an itunes account with an entire family is that you can be in the middle of exercising when the song, "Favorite Girl" by Justin Bieber unexpectedly comes on. Then, before you know it, you are singing along.

Suddenly... you are horrified at yourself.

But after quickly clicking the forward button Marc Cohn comes on with, "Walking in Memphis" and suddenly... not quite so horrified. But still, very disturbed.

Flatware Is Not Overrated

2010-09-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

Favorite things about Simon:

He consistently grabs more than one bread out of the Sacrament tray only when he knows that I am not close enough to stop him.

When I asked him recently if he would 'like' me to find him a time-out chair he said, "Yes." When I reemphasized the words 'time-out' the second time he reaffirmed that, "Yes" he would indeed like me to find him a time-out chair.

When I am using the ladies room I ask him explicitly to leave and shut the door tight immediately. He then insists upon entering and negotiates with me for the rest of that particular session about why leaving the door open a small enough crack for just one of his eyes to look inside the powder room is different than having the door wide open and seeing my presentation with both his eyes.

He points with his entire hand and faces the palm upwards.

It takes him three hours to clean up his entire Thomas the Train set. I finally learned it wasn't because he was laying on the floor in his room, but because he would sneak into my room and put on a movie to watch.

Rooster Tail

2010-09-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

At the end of Sacrament Meeting today I turned to my five children and said, "After church... when we get home... y'all are going straight to your rooms." Then I leaned down to pick up crayons/coloring books/cereal off the floor and I kept right on mumbling, "right after church... to your rooms... doors shut..."

So they beat it to their sunday school classes pretty quickly. Except Max, who stayed to help clean up the pew.

Max humbly asked, "How long are we in our rooms?"

My response, "You? Hmmmmm, probably not as long as Simon, Ellie, and Cannon."

Max, "So you're saying I was the best of your worst children?"

Me, "Yes, I guess you could say that."

A Man For All Seasons

2010-09-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Donuts for Breakfast

2010-09-16T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ellie: I *fluffed on Adam today.

Cassidy: Who's Adam?

Ellie: He's my new special friend at school. He never knew I did it, he thought an apple fell.

Cassidy: Ellie... you're fluffing at school?!

Ellie: Did you hear what I just said? I told you I fluffed on Adam today.

*editor's liberty to change f.a.r.t. to more appetizing version

Server Restart

2010-09-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

My entire goal today was to be as unproductive as possible and as with many times in my life I am sad to say that I failed miserably.

I do give myself props though as I gave it a great go, and, have to admit that for a good part of the day I had victory at the tips of my fingers. It was that darn second wind at around 3 pm that did me in.

It started with just picking up one or two things in Cannon and Ellie's room and before you know it I had cleaned their room, vacuumed the basement, folded several loads of laundry, run several loads of laundry, ironed an entire pile of rumpled stuff, run the dishwasher...

Yeah, I didn't just fall off the 'non-productivity' bandwagon, I took a flying leap from the front and let it run over me on it's way past.

Tomorrow is another day I guess, and I can try, try again.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now

2010-09-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Note found on my headboard last night:

Dear Mother,

We need to go on a date pronto. I was thinkin the mall and then we could get dinner at Blazin Onion and look at the stores there.

heart

Cassidy

PLEASE it's time to spend quality time with me

What I heard was: "Mother, let's hangout... but only if you bring your wallet. Oh and P.S... I don't do the letter 'g'."

Calendar Girl

2010-09-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

Cannon (9) and Simon (3) fighting in the car:

Simon spits on Cannon, Cannon cries/whines.

Cannon hits Simon on top of the head, Simon hits Cannon back.

Cannon threatens to continue hitting Simon, Simon barks, "Do it then. Hit me."

Cannon mumbles something, Simon responds, "If you do it I'm gonna break this window." referring to the car's door window.

I should have been focused on driving, but I was actually focused on giving MySexyHusband a blow by blow description of the fight.

First Day, Check

2010-09-07T07:40:00.001-07:00

MySexyHusband trying to convince Cannon that the mushrooms in his dinner were going to be yummy...

MySexyHusband: You have to eat them because they are good for you, and you'll end up liking them when you're older anyway.

Cannon: No I won't, mushrooms are gross.

MySexyHusband: Hey, you never know... maybe you were on the "mushroom creating committee" in heaven and you assisted in this!

Cannon: "... so you're saying I did a bad job."

Thought I Wasn't Ready For Fall...

2010-09-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

I found out I was wrong :-)

The Ideas Are Flowing

2010-09-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

Max. Love him, love him, love him.

Took him to the high school a few days ago so we could get his schedule, his locker combination, walk around, etc. Last night I hear him rummaging around his room at midnight.

Me: What are you doing?

Max: I can't find my schedule, have you seen it?

Me: The one we just got two days ago?

Max: haha

Me: Why don't I take you earlier in the morning and you can go get another one printed, especially since it had your locker combination on it and you need that as well.

Max: No... I don't need to do that. I pretty much have it memorized anyways.

Me: Yeah, that's sure to work since you couldn't even memorize where you put the paper your classes were listed on. Oh, and the football locker combination you forgot over the summer so you had to use wire cutters to get it off... yeah. Chances are very high that you won't end up in the wrong class today Max.

hahahahaha... what's not to love?

:-)

2010-08-30T22:13:00.001-07:00

I may have forgotten to mention, but MySexyHusband and I have been married 17 years. 17 years! That's almost as long as I was single before him... well, in another few more years. And you know what? Besides the five very important cans of paint he threw away recently... he is the best decision I ever made. :-)

Also, don't you love it when you catch somebody in a lie? The cute girly from our ward was doing Cassidy's hair while I looked on and she says, "Did you have fun cleaning up alllllllllll (emphasis she added) those signs David left when he toilet papered you?"

Me (my eyes narrowing as I consider her question), "How did you know that he stuck THAT many signs in our yard?"

Cute Girly (first try), "Because he told me!"

Cute Girly (second try), "Okay, because I was there too!" (her laughter ensues)

Change Is Coming

2010-08-28T00:41:00.000-07:00

As I walk in from a nice little layout session in the backyard I overhear...

Cannon: Cassidy! Mom laid out in her bathing suit!

Cassidy: In the backyard?

Cannon: Yeah, it was sooooo funny!!!

Me: Helloooooo, I'm right here... I can hear you.

I Saw A Pillar Of Light, Exactly Over My Head

2010-08-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm completely ready for a new year of seminary now. Ran my little self over to the mall and bought three new shirts, one dress and two amazing pairs of shoes. Yeah so, bring on the new students... and bring on the new book (teaching the Doctrine & Covenants this year)... and bring on the new year, I'm ready!

Although, come to think of it, I should probably read the Doctrine & Covenants if I'm going to spend a year teaching it... Yeah, I will do that this weekend. It may be interesting, you never know!

The most important thing is my new outfits of course. That's what invites the spirit after all. I'm sure it goes something like this...

Kelli (leaning over to Kristina while sitting in the front row at 6 am): Doesn't Sister Norton's top look so great with that same black skirt she wears everyday?!

Kristina: Bah! It so does. I feel the spirit... don't you?!

Yeah, that's gotta be it, so you can see why I am feeling ultra prepared for this upcoming year! :-)

Animal

2010-08-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Went to the library tonight because our tv had been on for so many straight hours this summer that it melted down the side of our wall. The children weren't sure what to do after that. They were like, "What do people do who can't watch tv Mama?" I'm like, "I don't know... garden?"

We all figured we would much rather read about gardening than try actual gardening... So we're walking through the library picking two books out each (nobody needs more than two books during any three week time span), when Simon threw his books. Up in the air. As high as he could and then let them bounce on the floor while everybody looked on and judged my parenting. I couldn't let that happen. I am the judger of people, not the other way around...

We all know my parenting is flawless anyway... right? You've heard that, right? So I pulled myself down to his level and looked that little snit right in the eye and began to give him my best lecture on the Proper Care and Feeding of Books when he placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed me right on the lips.

What can I say, it was endearing. Lecture over. Throw the books.

It's Been Awhile

2010-08-23T11:52:00.000-07:00

So I was watching High School Musical 3 the other night at about... oh, 3 am, (I realize I should be embarrassed to admit this... and I'm really not sure why I am not, but I'm just not, so, anyway...) do you know what I realized? HSM3 actually had some good writing involved in it's plot, who knew?! hahahah

P.S. Would you like another comma with that? hahahaha. That's like, 6 commas, but who's counting? (now 8)

The actual reason I tell you this is because I went to Charlie St. Cloud with MySexyHusband a couple of weeks ago and loved it. But it only hung out in theaters for about three weeks, so you probably didn't get a chance to see it. Anyway, good flick that one.

The second reason I tell you this is because seminary starts soon, and I am obviously in no way prepared to be up at 5 am yet if I am still watching a movie here or there at 3 am. So if you have any ideas on how I could continue my late night practices AND be up and cheery for seminary at 5:15 am at the latest, I would appreciate it. If you have any really good ideas I would be willing to put some money up...

P.P.S. You don't have to say it since it's obvious, I will back off on ZE for a little while. Go back to my obsession with Celtic Thunder. They are coming back in concert soon you know...

Found A Peanut

2010-07-23T00:21:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting ready to go on Pioneer Trek with MySexyHusband and Max... and I'm not sure which is more sad: that I volunteered to go on Pioneer Trek because it sounded like "fun", or that when I went to look for pioneer clothes I found a couple of shirts AND skirts in my closet that would look pioneer'ish enough to wear. Now. Today. In 2010.

Tough call, that one.

No, it's probably the pioneer clothing in my current closet...

btw I am winning in the game of Settlers of Catan I am playing right this moment. Knew that would impress y'all. And on a related note, (I love this story) playing Settlers of Catan is all that my family thinks I do. And I am purely disgusted with them right now because of it.

Nobody notices the hours I log ironing, cleaning, cooking, washing laundry, folding laundry, being kind when I'm not inclined, weeding, paying bills, driving ingrates around... Nooooooo, nobody notices me until I sit down at the computer. That and MySexyHusband (who barely phones home once a day) always happens to call when I am playing a game. Then I have to listen to one of my children in their sing-songy voice, 'I'll get her, she's on the computer playing a game.' and then I know I've been caught... caught Settling Catan that is! Yeeow!

Clearing Up The Misinformation

2010-07-03T17:10:00.001-07:00

I feel like it is my job to inform the public. That is you... you are the public. And you're welcome for the following information, by the way. Anyways, my sister is here visiting. And I find her to be super awesome for two reasons. 1) she came to visit me. And 2) she really is super awesome without even trying to be.

Anyways, we went to watch Eclipse (the movie, not the lunar/solar experience), and it was alright... as far as movies go. So we figured why not take a little trip out to Forks, Washington since we are so close. You know, a fun day trip.

So we do and have since decided to make sure that the world knows that Forks, Washington is just a podunk little town. There is very little of interest there, so, save your time. The school was under construction... so nothing to see there. The hospital and police station were only mildly entertaining at best. And the other "points of attraction" i.e. Bella's truck, the Cullen House, and the Swan House... were not even real. Well they were real, in that you could touch and feel them. But they were not real in the sense that THEY WERE NEVER IN ANY OF THE MOVIES IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM SO WHY ARE THEY REFERRED TO AS BELLA'S TRUCK, THE CULLEN HOUSE, AND THE SWAN HOUSE!!!!!?

It makes no sense. And neither did any of the sights to see in Port Angeles. Bizarre. The two true highlights of the day were seeing La Push Beach which is breathtakingly beautiful, and the drive up the Forks and then back to Gig Harbor. That was spectacular.

Anyway, the following pictures were proof of some of our day: The La Push Beach:

Cassidy and Ellie climbing the boulders on the beach...

Bella's Truck (not really) and Ellie...

Donna posing with a cardboard cutout... hahahahaha

Those jazz hands? I did that on purpose of course!

Donna, cousin Sydney, Ellie and Simon...

I Will Not Let Max Frustrate Me, I Will Not Let Max Frustrate Me, I Will Not... You Get The Idea

2010-06-18T08:41:00.000-07:00

Ellie seemed to think I was going somewhere without her, "Am I invited to where you are going?" She asked.

"I'm just going through life, of course you're invited!" I said.

Ellie looked perplexed, "You don't have a life." She said and walked away, leaving me with my delusions.

Found Playmobil at a Garage Sale happy sigh

2010-06-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

So I had to hang up on MySexyHusband the other day while we were in the middle of talking. By the time I finally called him back I was shuttling my children to a play at the middle school.

Because I am the most law abidingest of law abiding citizens around I immediately sent him to speaker phone because that is the law.

Anyway, here is our conversation:

Me: "Hey you, sorry it took so long to call you back. Can't even remember what we were talking about... do you?"

MySexyHusband: "Yes, we were talking about you and me making a baby..." (he says in a sultry 'I'm totally serious if you are... but I'm really kidding if you want me to be... but remember I've been out of town for a couple of days...' voice)

I look around behind me at the many ears who just picked up our conversation.

Me: "Um... why don't you say hello to your children, while they're all right here listening..."

Stanley & Seaforts

2010-06-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

Reasons why Cassidy recently scraped off half her knee:

1. New asphalt

2. New asphalt + riding skateboard while playing basketball

3. New asphalt + her invention of riding on three skateboards all on top of each other

4. New asphalt + her invention of riding on a skateboard straight down the new asphalt driveway toward rocks...

Reason Max might not have any friends that are girls after today:

1. When two girls asked him what he finds attractive in girls he said something like: not what you two have.

Reason I am still playing Settlers of Catan at midnight:

1. Seminary is over for the year: yeehaw!

One of the good things about a spouse going out of town:

1. You can text them that you ate cookies on their side of the bed last night, instead of yours. What a crumby thing to do, eh?!

hahahahahahahahahahaha (I dedicate this response to MySexyHusband, since it is exactly what he texted me back. :-) )